I'm Always On My Knees For You
by Acerbity Dawn
Summary: In which Stiles develops a serious eating disorder and the last person he would expect comes to his aid. Post Season1, I guess.
1. Faces Like Mine

**A/N: Disclaimers: I DO NOT OWN TEEN WOLF, nor do I receive any monetary recompense for my writing. I just write for enjoyment.**

**TRIGGER WARNING: Graphic depictions/descriptions of bulimia.**

**This is actually rather difficult for me to write, I've been pulling from my own past experiences/memories to add to the plot. I wish someone had done this for me. I will add more tags as I write the story. Expect smut at some point. Please comment/message if you enjoy!**

**Chapter 1 - Faces Like Mine**

He wasn't sure what had started it, exactly. It could have been the rejection he suffered at the hands of the beautiful Lydia Martin, could have been the ten pounds he had put on recently, or it could have been the snide comments Coach Finstock had been directing toward him; things like "move it, Bilinski, ya lard-ass!" and "you're never gonna get off the bench if you can't keep up with the rest of the team!". It could have been a combination of many things… a toxic concoction of self-loathing that had wormed its way down into his skull.

It all began simply enough… they were forced to watch a video in health class about eating disorders. Everyone seemed appalled by the tactics used by the young gymnast girls to lose weight, but not Stiles. Stiles thought to himself, '_that doesn't seem too difficult, it actually works? Not a bad idea, really.' _

The monster started off as just a tiny thing, Stiles would only purge if he had eaten something 'bad', like on pizza nights with Scott. He would make sure he drank lots of water and soda, then he would sneak off to the bathroom while Scott was engrossed in whatever game they were playing or movie they were watching. There, he would jam two fingers down his throat. He would empty the contents of his stomach and feel so relieved afterward that he hadn't actually consumed the copious amounts of calories… that he wouldn't have to suffer through that pain of regret that follows eating anything fattening.

Stiles lost 6lbs within the first two weeks. '_I guess this is a pretty good indication that I eat too much junk food' _he thought, but he wanted to lose more weight. He started purging more frequently. He would gulp down a huge bowl of cereal in the morning before school, and throw half of it up before he left. He would eat a small lunch and a snack when he got home, and he would always do _so well _until later in the evening when the hunger hit him like a freight train. It was at that time most nights that he would stuff his face with anything that was around. It wasn't really any surprise to his father, since he was used to seeing Stiles much out, and he wasn't home much to witness it anyway. Afterward, he would bolt to the bathroom to bring it all back up. He lost more weight.

A month in he had dropped from 157 to 144 pounds, which was smaller than he had been before he put on the weight to begin with. He stood one morning, looking in the mirror before school. He pinched at his stomach disgustedly and fought back tears of frustration. '_I wish I could get rid of this, I want to look even better. Maybe if I lose more weight Lydia will notice me.' _And subconsciously, maybe his father would pay more attention to him, maybe he'd play lacrosse better, and maybe he would be less of a helpless turd whenever Scott's werewolf problems had him running for his life. He fought back tears of frustration; he'd hit a plateau and hadn't lost any weight in the past 5 days. He had even been going to Scott's house regularly for workouts, since the guy had a full-on gym downstairs full of equipment. Scott was delighted of course, to be helping Stiles '_lean up and build muscle'_, as Stiles had so eloquently put it. He didn't tell Scott he wanted to lose weight. '_What do I do? I'm already practically starving myself, and I barely have the energy to exercise anymore. I've been pushing so hard… this is impossible. It's not like I could get my hands on coke or speed like some of those girls in the video. They're too expensive, and they're dangerous.' _He wasn't sure what freaked him out more – the fact that he had actually considered drugs or the fact that he was more offput by the price than the health risks.

After school he went to the mall alone, stopping into the little health and fitness shop he had passed so many times before. He asked them for their strongest fat burning supplement, and didn't think twice when the sales clerk gave him a confused and concerned look. '_Take two pills a day with food. Drink a glass of water before taking. Okay, I got this. I don't know about the food but I can definitely drink a glass of water no problem.' _

The first day he took the fat burners was a struggle. They speed up a lot of the body's functions, and since he was already on a medication for his ADD he felt like he was being torn inside out. He was jittery, couldn't sit still, and he had a burning sensation in his chest. '_Maybe tomorrow will be easier.'_

One week passed and he was down another 6 pounds. He was still throwing up, twice a day at least. He was beginning to develop terrible headaches from the pressure he was inflicting upon his head while purging. Stiles felt dazed, mentally foggy, like he couldn't concentrate on anything. His grades suffered. Also, it was as if he were bipolar all of the sudden. One minute he would be cheerful and happy bu the net he had his head in his hands and he was half asleep, ready to snap at anyone and everyone.

"I see the working out is really paying off, man. You're looking a little too gaunt, though. Maybe you should take it easy, dial the cardio back a little bit. Didn't you say you wanted 'super crazy muscles of doom' like Derek's?"

Stiles blushed at the reminder of that awkward comparison. He had been trying to shroud his attraction for a certain broody alpha werewolf for quite some time and seemed to be failing miserably. '_I guess I need to watch what I say around Scott.' _

"Hey – Allison, Danny, Jackson, Lydia, and I are going to check out that new burger joint down the street – you should totally come with!" He started pulling Stiles along to their lockers to gather their belongings.

"Nah, Scott. I'm not really hungry to be honest."

"But you love curly fries! Come on, you don't have to be so strict with your diet all of the time, you have to treat yourself! You never know, they could be the best fries you've ever tasted!"

And Stiles went along… the guilt washed over him the moment he took the first bite of his fries, and then the overwhelming panic set in as he continued his feast. While everyone around him laughed and chatted he just sat there eyeing his now empty tray, before peeking around inconspicuously to see if there was a bathroom nearby. He spotted one and excused himself for a moment.

"Be right back guys, nature calls!" The unimpressed look he got from Lydia only made him scurry away faster.

Relief flooded him as he brought the food back up, choking a bit on a badly chewed piece of hamburger. He coughed loudly, a few tears welling up in his eyes. '_It wasn't this difficult before..' _He clutched at his chest, which ached deeply in the center. Tightness cut across his upper torso; a pain he was unfamiliar with… it frightened him. He couldn't bring all of the food up and it made him so incredibly frustrated that he cried more, sobbing a bit between frantic attempts to gag himself. By the time he heard the clicking of her heels it was too late.

"Stiles? Stiles, are you in there?" Stiles sniffled in response, '_Damnit, my body has betrayed me.' _

"Yeah…" he managed to croak out, unable to recognize his own voice.

"Can I come in please? Preferably before another guy comes in here and has a conniption because there's a girl in the men's room?"

"No! …I'm sick; you should go."

"Stiles… while your little friends might be borderline cretins, I, Lydia Martin, am no fool. Let me in the stall... _now_."

He reluctantly flushed the toilet, wiping the corners of his mouth with a tissue. He slunk dejectedly to the floor of the lavatory as he clicked the lock of the door. Lydia opened the door quickly and stepped inside, re-latching it behind her and crowding into the small space with him.

"Oh, sweetie… what have you done to yourself?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." He glanced up at her, his eyes still glazed and red from the tears he had shed.

"Listen to me." She reached out and cupped the right side of his face with her hand, stroking his cheek with her thumb, "I'm a teenage girl; I know what it's like to be insecure about my body. You're a sweet guy, Stiles. Just because I'm in love with Jackson doesn't mean I don't think you're adorable and intelligent. You may act like an idiot most of the time, but I know better. I know it's just your ADD that makes you socially awkward, and it's not your fault. And this –"she gestured to the toilet, "is not something that you need to do in order to gain someone's affection. Just _be yourself_ and somebody will fall for _you, _not your body – which is perfectly fine the way it is, by the way. Please Stiles, you need to stop this before you hurt yourself…"

"I can't do this, I can't do this right now, Lydia. Don't tell anyone… please. I'll quit, I promise."

The girl leaned in closer to wrap her arms around him for a hug. He retracted a bit, quickly shrinking out of her grasp afterward, before standing up and walking out. He passed the table where the others were sitting and walked straight out the door; unable to look any of them in the eye.

When he arrived home, Stiles popped three pills, angry that he hadn't been able to get all of the food up at the restaurant. He had an apple and hit up the internet for some cardio workouts he could do in his room.

When the Sherriff entered the house that night he found Stiles sprawled out on the couch, dressed only in shorts, sneakers, and a t-shirt. He was sleeping soundly but his breathing seemed a bit erratic. He made a mental note to ask the boy about it in the morning, but when he awoke Stiles had already left for school.

**Song Credit: Emilie Autumn - Faces Like Mine**


	2. Skin And Bones

**Chapter 2 - Skin And Bones**

Two and a half months in, Stiles was down to 117lbs. He was still throwing up once or twice a day but it was rather difficult to conceal at that point, since it brought tears to his eyes and strained his entire body. In addition, he was popping 6 pills, and he was sweating off 600 calories on an elliptical machine at Scott's after school almost daily. The pills weren't enough anymore, they weren't giving him energy. He could barely keep his head up in class, when he walked down the school hallways he was weak and clumsy.

He tripped up one day traveling between chemistry and math, catching himself against the wall and sliding to the floor.

"What are you doing!?" Scott yelped, taken aback.

"Just having a rest, I'm fine."

"You've been _resting _a lot lately, Stiles. You're worrying me… listen, Lydia told me about what happened at Mario's last month. You need to eat more."

"She _what!? _I mean… what did she tell you, exactly?"

"She told me that you may have taken some of the bad habits in that health class video into serious consideration…"

"I… I don't know what you mean. I'll be fine, there's nothing wrong with me. Let's go get something to eat," Stiles said reluctantly, as Scott helped him to his feet.

He lead his friend to the cafeteria to showcase that he was still eating. He downed a huge poutine in record time but disappeared swiftly afterward, telling Scott he had to go have a word with the coach. He purchased some caffeine pills at the drugstore that day. Another week passed, and another 3lbs disintegrated, the same results followed the next week. At 111lbs, Stiles was fragile looking. His eyes had sunken and his hip bones jutted out like knives.

In chemistry class he was falling asleep, his head lolling back. Scott had to slap him on the shoulder _three times _that class in order to keep him out of detention. That day at lunch he ate fries and chicken strips with a bottle of root beer. He rushed to the bathroom after, opting for the one at the other end of the school close to the classrooms so that he would hopefully be un-disturbed. He reached into his backpack to retrieve the toothbrush he had been using lately, positioning himself over the toilet. He shoved it down his throat roughly, gagging loudly, relishing in the feeling of the slimy substance making its way up his throat and out of his mouth. '_I have to get it all out...' _He hit the back of his throat a little bit too hard and coughed, sputtering puke all over the seat. '_Gross,' _he reached to grab a piece of toilet paper to wipe it up, before jamming the toothbrush back down again. This time, when the food came up, it was tinged a bright red. '_Blood.' _He stopped immediately, clutching his stomach. He leaned in closely to examine the contents of the latrine and a high pitched yelp escaped his throat. '_This is so fucked up, oh my god.'_

The bell chimed for the students to head back to class. Stiles washed his hands and collected his things, pausing briefly to glance in the mirror. There were red spots all around his eyes; broken blood vessels. His eyes were bloodshot, while his stomach and lower back ached. He popped a pill, quickly taking a swig of his water bottle before stalking out of the bathroom. Stiles made it through biology, but when he stood up to leave his head spun. He took ten languid steps – just enough to make it past the threshold of the classroom – before he collapsed harshly on the floor.

When he woke up he could taste blood; had a horrible pounding in the front of his head. He reached up to touch the spot that the ache was coming from.

"Ah-ah-ah, no touching. You cracked your head pretty hard back there. I had to apply some butterfly stitches… it doesn't look like you have a concussion, but we're sending you home early so you can rest. I would advise lots of water…" the robust woman looked him over, "and something to eat."

'_The nurse's office, great.' _She asked him a tirade of questions and then called Scott to the office to drive him home, since he refused to let her contact his father.

"Stiles, I'm really worried about you, man. You're barely eating and over-exercising, you're popping pills – don't think I haven't noticed that. Someone could easily get the impression that you _have an eating disorder..?" _he posed it as a question, and continued after he was rewarded with silence, "You've lost a fuck-tonne of weight, and you were kind of a small guy before. What's your dad going to think?"

"Shut up! Don't talk to me about my father and what he thinks of me. He hasn't even said anything, he probably hasn't even noticed that I've lost almost fifty pounds in less than two months… I'm fine. I'm just tired; I've been having a lot of nightmares recently, which could be due to the amount of life threatening situations we have found ourselves in as of late…" He knew it was a low blow but he wanted to shrug off any more questions and get the hell home.

As they pulled up in front of the Stilinski residence, he thanked his friend for the ride, and Scott offered to drive him to school the next day to retrieve his jeep. Once inside he heard his father slam a cupboard in the kitchen. '_Ah fuck, he knows. More questions.' _ He tried to sneak up the stairs to his room but the sheriff was having none of it. He grabbed a hold of his son roughly, carefully steering him back down the stairs, guiding him to the living room sofa.

"What's this I hear about you _collapsing_ at school? What's gotten into you, Stiles?"

"Nothing, dad, I'm just tired, I haven't been sleeping well."

"Don't give me that… you think I haven't noticed the amount of weight you've lost lately? Do I have to make you an appointment with the doctor? The psychiatrist, maybe?"

"Dad, I'll be _fine, _I just need to rest and –"

"No, Stiles. You won't be fine." His father reached to lift his shirt up and he fought back to no avail.

It broke Stiles' heart to hear the gasp the man emitted, to see the utter disappointment and concern wash over his father's features.

"You're far too skinny, this is not just from lack of sleep. I haven't been home enough, I should have said something sooner…" It was at that moment that his phone rang. The man sighed tragically, flipping it open. "Hello? I'm a little busy at the-fine… I'll be down in a few minutes." He hung up and stood, looking down at his rueful, frail son, sprawled out on the couch where he had placed him. "I'm sorry, but I've got to go to the station for a few hours. When I get home at nine we are going to have a nice, long, proper chat about this. Also, I want you to eat something… right _now." _

Stiles got to his feet and hesitantly made his way to the kitchen. He poured himself a heaping bowl of fruit loops and took a bite, staring his father in the eyes all the while.

"See? I eat; stop worrying and get outta here." His father gave him a weak smile and departed.

After he had wolfed down the bowl of cereal he pulled a bag of dill pickle chips out of the cupboard and darted up to his room. He browsed the internet while inhaling them viciously, pausing only to gulp down some extra milk. When he had finished, he stood up and turned toward the bathroom, shaking his head at his own stupidity. '_I shouldn't have eaten so much, I threw up blood earlier for Christ sake… but I figured if I had to eat that cereal for dad I might as well. It tasted so good…' _

Stiles jumped back in alarm when a furious looking Derek Hale slammed the bathroom door before he could enter.

**Song Credit: Marianas Trench - Skin And Bones**


	3. Falling Again

**Chapter 3 - Falling Again**

"Dude, what the _fuck? _Where did you come from – how long have you been here!?" He squeaked.

"I've been here since Scott told me that you collapsed at school."

"So you heard the…"

"Yes, I heard the conversation between you and your father. And yes, I spoke to Scott and he told me what was going on. Where do you think you're going?"

"I… I just had to pee." Stiles stammered, knowing that the wolf could tell he was lying.

"I think you and I both know that's bullshit."

Stiles gaped, '_how much does he know?' _"Derek, get out of my way."

"I'm not letting you do this to yourself, Stiles. You've done enough damage as it is."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Derek. Just move, please."

"You're lying… you're lying to yourself, you're lying to your friends, you're lying to your father, and now you're lying to me."

"GET OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY, DEREK!" Stiles was growing panicked now, borderline lunatic. Derek just shook his head. "Can I at least go in to take a piss? Jesus."

"Fine."

Stiles shoved the larger man out of the way, and Derek let him. He wrenched the door open, slipping inside. Derek stood just outside the door, despairingly pressing his forehead against the cool wood. '_I shouldn't have let him in, but… I have to see how desperate he is. I have to see how serious this has gotten.' _ He heard the loud click of the lock and scowled. It was only a matter of seconds and he could hear Stiles' forced attempt at gagging himself.

"Stiles. Stiles! Open the damned door!" He heard a few coughs and sputters, then the slosh of partially digested food hitting the water. He heard the sharp intake of breath and then silence. He threw himself at the door carelessly, trying to force himself into the room.

"What do you want from me!? Just leave me alone!"

Derek tried again, putting more force into it, giving the door a harsh kick, just as he heard more vomit splashing into the toilet bowl, splattering the seat and dripping onto the floor.

"Stop! What the hell are you _doing!?" _ He was in the room now, staring in horror at what he was faced with. Stiles was kneeling on the floor clutching the side of the toilet feebly. His right hand was covered in vomit, as was the toilet. There was some on the floor, slowly dripping down the side of the bowl. He approached and could see a worrying amount of blood mixed in with the substance.

Stiles was crying, turning his face away, not wanting Derek to see what a pathetic wreck he had turned into. He was so incredibly embarrassed; he had never meant for things to go this far.

"Stiles, get up." The boy sobbed in response, letting go of the toilet and leaning his head against the wall.

"My h-" he coughed, "My head hurts so bad…" He remained seated, sobs wracking his body, making him shudder violently as he folded into himself in the corner of the bathroom.

"…Stiles." Derek took the remaining two steps toward him and sank to his knees, wrapping his arms around the boy, pulling him into a firm, awkward hug.

"Wha-Derek, what are you doing?"

"Uhh… comforting you."

"Why?"

Stiles turned to look at Derek and the man's heart almost stopped. The boy's face looked horrible. His eyes were not only spilling tears… they were intensely bloodshot and sunken, surrounded by red splotches in varying sizes. His cheeks were swollen from the strain on his jaw, and it looked as if he were breaking out in some acne.

"God, Stiles…" he whispered, pulling him in closer, "why would you do this?"

"I don't…" Stiles decided to at least try and explain, but his reasoning came out sounding more stupid than anything. "I'm ugly… I'm unwanted. Nobody gives a fuck about Stiles, no, it's all about Scott and his wonderful girlfriend and his precious wolf powers. Lydia doesn't want me. Hell, even Danny wouldn't tell me I'm attractive. I'm just a hideous, good for nothing, fat piece of trash."

"You're anything but fat, you've never been fat. You're useful, you're incredibly smart… and smart assed." Derek responded carefully, looking into the boy's eyes as he spoke.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Stiles asked, giving him a skeptical look.

"Well, contrary to popular belief, I do have feelings. I do care…" He leaned forward then, slotting his lips over Stiles' and kissing him gently. He was unresponsive, recoiling hastily, but Derek knew that would be the case.

Stiles was far too riled up and abashed to reciprocate, he just pushed Derek away and started yelling.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!"

Derek tentatively touched Stiles' shoulder, trying to calm him.

"Stiles, I-"

"Why? Why-would you-" Stiles was gasping for breath between words, it was clear that he was starting to lose control, starting to hyperventilate.

"Shhhh Stiles, it's okay – you're okay. Just breathe. Breathe, Stiles…"

"I can't-why-Derek-I can't do this-I'm so tired-I-" He was still choking out words between the sobs and gulps of air.

Derek just kneeled there and held onto him, shushing him and rubbing small circles into his back, grasping his shoulder with the other hand, kissing his head gently.

"Breathe Stiles, you're safe. I just… I wanted you to feel like someone _wanted _you… I'm sorry I startled you. Please, just _breathe _for me." The boy calmed finally, melting into Derek's grasp, shaking.

"Am I dying?" He wheezed, clutching his stomach.

"No, but you should probably go to the hospital to get your stomach looked at, and you need to stop this… But for now, let's just get you cleaned up, okay? No more questions." He helped the boy to his feet, pausing to pull Stiles' shirt over his head. He had to mentally shake himself after seeing how emaciated Stiles was.

"But why are you doing this?" Stiles asked, gazing questioningly into Derek's eyes.

"No more talking right now, alright?"

"Okay," the boy croaked, leaning into the older man, faint from the sight of his own blood, the crying, and the lack of food. He was too weak to keep himself upright, so he didn't put up a fight when Derek maneuvered him around the room.

The alpha slid his hands under his arms and lifted him, placing him carefully on the edge of the bathtub. He reached down to unbutton Stiles' jeans, bracing the other hand on the boy's back so that he wouldn't tip over backward. He pulled Stiles to his feet and slowly stripped his pants off.

"I'd normally have an enormous cluster of jokes ready in a moment like this but I'm so tired…"

Derek rolled his eyes, letting himself smirk a bit,

"I can only imagine." He sat Stiles back down and whipped off his own shirt, pausing before he pulled down his zipper because Stiles was looking at him in awe.

"What are you doing? You don't have to get in _with _me!"

"You can barely stand, Stiles. I'll keep my briefs on if it makes you feel better."

"Fine," Stiles huffed, as Derek removed the rest of his clothes and turned on the shower, taking a moment to adjust the temperature. He found himself watching the way the large man's muscles flexed as he leaned into the shower, and had to catch himself from falling backwards. '_My god, he's beautiful.' _

"Alright, you ready?"

"Yeah… Uhh…" Stiles floundered about, gripping Derek's arm to steady himself as he stood.

"You should probably take those off," Derek gestured to his boxers and the boy gulped.

"Y-yeah, I guess I can do that…" Stiles used his free hand to awkwardly slide down his boxers, leaning into Derek for support.

"I've got you," Derek said, bending down and picking Stiles up, bridal style.

"Holy sh-"he sputtered as the wolf lifted him into the shower, pressing him up against the wall. '_I'm naked in a shower with Derek Hale. This is a surprising turn of events…' _Derek retrieved the bath pouf from the shower rack and lathered it up with soap. '_I feel like this is going to get more awkward real fast.'_ He could feel himself hardening as the man pinning him against the shower wall started to scrub him down inch by inch starting with his legs. '_Yep, this is happening.' _

Once Derek reached his groin he flashed Stiles a disbelieving look, arching a brow. Stiles just shrugged his shoulders, grinning sheepishly. '_We don't really have time for this but…' _He was having a hard time controlling himself. Stiles was so innocent and weak, ripe for the taking, and it seemed like he _wanted _him. The boy's member stood straight and tall, glistening wet from the shower. Derek felt himself shift a bit, but he fought the wolf back, for now wasn't the right time for any of this. He leaned in and licked a long, hot stripe up the underside of the boy's cock and reveled in the way he arched his back off the tile wall, whining with need.

"Sorry to tease, but this is a conversation we'll have to have another time."

Stiles groaned at that, holding still so Derek could finish cleaning him up. He glanced down and took note of Derek's thick cock, straining against the fabric of his briefs. They were both drenched from the cascade of water pouring down on them, so the black fabric was hugging every inch of him. '_All seven inches. Holy fuck, can this guy be any more perfect?' _Stiles reached around and grabbed the alpha's round, muscular ass, giggling when the man's eyes widened in shock.

"What are you, drunk?" Derek chuckled, turning off the water.

"Don't I get to wash you next?" Stiles asked boldly, earning a glare from the other.

"No, we've gotta get you dressed and down to the hospital, remember? Potential internal bleeding? Does that ring any bells?"

"Fine, jeez. You're such a sour-wolf."

Derek hoisted Stiles out of the shower, carrying him into the boy's bedroom to help him get dressed.

"You know, I'm probably able to walk on my own now, I don't feel as dizzy."

"Maybe I like tossing you around."

"You just had to use the term 'tossing' didn't you? You sick-"

Derek shushed him, grabbing some clothes out of Stiles' dresser. He helped him step into a pair of boxers and some jeans, then handed him a dark blue t-shirt, hovering in front of Stiles as he poised to shrug it on. He placed a hand on the boy's hip to steady him, just as the Sherriff barged through the bedroom door.

**Song Credit: Lacuna Coil - Falling Again**


	4. Complicated

**Chapter 4 - Complicated **

"HALE! What in the hell are you – _get away from my son_!" John looked both confused and furious as he stepped into the boy's bedroom toward the duo.

"D-dad! It's not what it loo-" Stiles' voice was cut off as his father swiftly approached, hooking Derek in the side of the jaw with his fist. The wolf fell backward onto the floor with a thump, his head strewn to one side, blood oozing out of his nose.

"DAD!? What the fuck!?" Stiles yelped, scooting himself off of the edge of the bed to make his way over to Derek.

"STILES, stay right where you are, you hear me?" The boy obeyed reluctantly.

"But dad, you don't understand, he-"

"Mr. Stilinski, if I may, could I have a word with you?" Derek rumbled, staring up at the man.

The Sheriff laughed bitterly in response, "A word? No. I'll have a few words with you, though. You're to leave immediately, and you're never to come near my _underage _son again, do you follow?" Derek righted himself, standing to face the father of the boy.

"You don't understand, Stiles is-"

"Stiles is of no concern to you Derek, now leave." Derek moved to help Stiles up from the floor, but the Sheriff drew his gun, stopping him in his tracks.

"Take one more step toward him, boy. See what happens."

Derek closed his eyes tightly in frustration, rubbing his temple, taking a moment to wipe the blood from his nose. He was still in his damp underwear, he could see how the boy's father could easily get the wrong impression.

"Sir, you can shoot me if you want; I'm taking Stiles to the hospital. Now, if you'll excuse me… I have to collect my pants from the washroom." He turned his back to John, stalking into the other room. The Sheriff turned to his son with a perturbed, angry look on his face.

"Do you mind telling me what in god's name is going on here? Stiles?"

"He was only trying to help. He's… he's kind of a friend of mine, and when he heard I collapsed at school he came over to check on me. I was… um… throwing up blood. He helped get me cleaned up and was about to take me to the hospital to make sure I'm not hurt. You kind of just attacked my savior." His father glanced at Derek, who was now standing in the doorway half dressed, shirt in hand.

"Is this true, Derek?"

"Yes… I can understand why you may have gotten the wrong impression based on the position you found us in when you entered. I assure you, I was only trying to help." He tugged the shirt on and glanced at Stiles who was staring at him woefully, his big brown eyes shining in the dark of the room.

"While I do believe you about the situation, I am not disregarding the fact that when I walked in you were looking at my son like you wanted to have him for dinner – and not the 'date' kind. Head on home, and I promise I will take Stiles to the hospital."

"Thank you, sir." And before Stiles could protest, he strode out of the room and down the stairs, closing the front door gently behind him.

"_Throwing up blood, _Stiles? Do you mind explaining yourself?"

His father had such a sad look on his face, it pained Stiles to have to explain everything to him. He started at the beginning, left out the gory details, and finished with that day. He told him about how he felt insignificant, how he felt like he was too fat, not good enough for anyone. He watched as his father's face appeared to drop even more (as if that were even possible), and when he was finished, he was crying.

"Son, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I haven't been around more. I'm a terrible parent; it took me so long to notice that anything was wrong… and then I snapped at Derek and hit him, and he was only trying to help."

"No, Dad. I'm kind of good at hiding my feelings… It's not your fault. And I'm sure Derek has suffered much worse." He smiled weakly up at his father, "can you help me up? I'm kind of woozy from everything that has happened, and I really want to make sure there's nothing horrible going on inside of my body."

"Alright, bud." He helped his son put his shirt on and held onto him as they descended the stairs and got into his cruiser. On the way to the hospital, he decided to add, "I'm not sure what is going on between you and the Hale kid, but… be safe, son. I don't want to hear any of the details – or the happenings."

"Uhhh thanks, Dad." Stiles was taken aback at the Sheriff's sudden change of heart, but owed it up to the fact that his father had overreacted earlier and that he probably just wanted him to be happy.

The hospital ran some tests, but nothing was seriously wrong. His potassium levels were low, his heart rate was a bit too erratic, and his stomach was bloated. They mentioned a small tear in his esophagus that could have accounted for some of the blood. With some proper care and rest, he should be back on track in no time. Stiles and his father left the hospital feeling much better. They had come to a bit of an understanding regarding Stiles' eating habits… and Stiles promised his father that he would make an effort to be healthy from there on out.

When Stiles arrived home, his dad helped him up to bed. By that time he was feeling a bit better and was able to get dressed on his own. Once his father settled down to sleep, he heard a light rapping at his window.

"Derek? You seriously have a death wish, don't you? I mean, Dad told me it's okay for us to hang out, but you might be pushing it _just a little bit…" _He opened the window for the wolf to enter and crawled back into bed.

"What did you find out?" Derek inquired, concern painting his features.

"Everything is A-OK! They said the bleeding was caused by a small tear, maybe a bit of trauma in the stomach… but it should heal up on its own as long as I'm careful and I get some proper rest and nutrients." He flashed Derek a warm smile, but the man did not mirror the action. Instead, he looked pissed. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing, I was just worried. Have you decided to stop with this bulimia bullshit? I know better than to think it's going to be an easy thing for you to give up…" He walked over to the bed and sat on the edge.

"Yeah… and yes, I know it's going to be hard, since eating makes me feel good… it's hard to explain. I have to at least make an attempt at quitting; I don't want to _die_…"

"Good, because…" Derek appeared indecisive, but continued anyway, "I would miss you. If you died, I mean."

"You'd-you'd miss _me?" _Stiles blushed, pointing to himself. He didn't know how to react to this new piece of information. "_Why? _I thought you hated me, I'm the annoying human sidekick, remember?"

"I actually find your obnoxious behavior to be kind of cute, sometimes." He chuckled at Stiles' reaction, inching his way closer to the boy.

"Oh, well… um... I'm totally alright with being alive so I can continue to gawk at your incredibly sculpted upper half."

"Is that so? My legs are pretty sculpted too… as are other parts of me." Derek grinned, placing a hand firmly on Stiles' thigh. He delighted in the way that it seemed to send sparks flying up the boy's entire body. "You know, there are other ways of _feeling good…" _

"What, you mean like _sex_?" Stiles asked, seemingly oblivious to Derek's obvious come-on. "I already told you, there's nobody interested in me. I'm unattractive and worthless."

Derek had had enough. He was sick and tired of Stiles downgrading himself. '_You have no idea how handsome you are. There are so many things I would do to you…' _He lunged forward, attacking the boy's mouth with his own, and much to his relief, Stiles reciprocated this time. The other experimentally slid his tongue in Derek's mouth, probing the roof of it, slipping around the wolf's tongue as their lips remained locked. Derek pulled back for a moment to catch a breath, but Stiles threaded his fingers through his hair, pulling his head back down for another ravenous kiss.

"Mmmh,' he groaned, climbing atop the boy, letting the last of his resolve slip away.

Stiles rocked his hips upward, making the man aware of how intensely turned on he was. Derek gasped, tearing his face away as he bit his lip, staring down at Stiles with blood red eyes.

"Do you want me to make you feel good, Stiles?" He inquired, the heat creeping its way into his voice. He reached down and stroked the boy's length through his pyjama bottoms.

"_Ohfuckyesss…" _He lifted his hips again, urging Derek to continue, but instead the alpha moved back, and he whimpered at the loss of contact.

"Shhhh, your father is down the hall." Derek slithered down the length of Stiles' body, dragging the boy's pants as he went.

Stiles was unaccustomed to being so _exposed _to anyone, and yet here he was, eagerly getting naked for the studly wolf twice in one day. '_I'm turning into a little skank.' _He giggled to himself nervously, but the sound soon morphed into a moan as Derek took his balls into his mouth, sucking and lapping at them hungrily. He shuddered intensely, he had never felt anything this wonderful before. The man licked up and over, up and over, pausing occasionally to suck one up into his mouth, rolling it over his tongue gently.

"Homygod this feels so good… shit, Derek… _fuckk…" _Derek had swallowed down his cock in one go. He felt it tap at the back of the other's throat and he just about came right then and there. He groaned, gripping the edge of the bed forcefully, grabbing ahold of Derek's head with his free hand to steady him. He was aware he sounded absolutely destroyed at that point but he couldn't even begin to try and contain the sounds that were tumbling out of his mouth. Derek pulled back and gazed into Stiles' eyes.

"Your voice… You have no _idea _what it does to me." He lowered his head to Stiles' member again, licking a long stripe up the underside, toying at the head with his tongue, engulfing it once more before starting to slowly slide his mouth up and down the shaft.

It was quiet, there was no gagging as Stiles had expected… there were just soft, wet sounds echoing through the silent room. As Stiles felt his orgasm start to build he came upon the realization that he should probably give Derek fair warning, but the man looked up at him and he came undone, shooting long, hot bursts down his throat.

Derek's eyes grew wide in surprise, and he coughed a bit, some fluid escaping his mouth and splattering Stiles' lower abdomen.

"Sorry, I should probably have told you sooner…"

"'S-okay," he replied, dragging his tongue across Stiles' belly, cleaning up the mess they had made.

"Mmmm…" Stiles hummed contentedly. He basked in the afterglow, smiling to himself.

"How was that?"

"Fucking _delicious, _you can do that to me anytime you'd like." Derek grinned in response, and he continued, "Do you want me to… well…" He motioned to the alpha's crotch region with his hand.

"I'm fine for tonight, Stiles. You're supposed to be letting your body recover, remember? I don't think jamming my dick down your throat will help it heal any faster. Get back under the sheets, I'll stay 'til you fall asleep."

"'Kay…" Stiles relaxed as Derek pressed in against him tightly, entwining their legs and wrapping an arm around his chest protectively. He surrendered to sleep within minutes, for it had been a long time since he felt so at peace.

**Song Credit: Collide - Complicated **


	5. Full Moon

**Chapter 5 - Full Moon**

When Stiles awoke the next morning, Derek had gone. His scent still lingered, however, and for some reason that made him ache for his return. The man smelled like trees, like the forest… he also smelled of sweat and there was a faint hint of some sort of product. '_I wonder if Derek uses Old Spice?' _He chuckled at the thought of Derek hosing himself down with a can of Axe like some of the fellas in the locker room. It was such a 'normal' thing, and he had a hard time picturing the man doing normal things. He was the menacing primal-overprotective-snarly-werewolf-guy, he didn't take fruit scented bubble baths, or bake banana loaf, he just… '_What does he do, really? Maybe I don't know him as well as I think I do.' _Regardless, Stiles believed that one needs things like that in their life. '_Simple pleasures…' _And speaking of pleasure, '_holy fuck, Derek Hale crawled into bed with me last night, gave me a ridiculous blowjob, and then snuggled me…' _It was all too much to handle, honestly.

He clambered out of bed, shucking on a t-shirt, and made his way downstairs.

"You can take the day off school today; you and I are going to spend a little time together! Alright, kiddo?"

The Sheriff's voice greeted him as he entered the kitchen. Stiles smiled warmly, sitting down at the table. '_Do I even want breakfast? I can't throw it up… That chicken bacon smells so fucking good.' _He felt himself growing agitated, fear rising in his gut.

"Is it too much for you?" his father asked, "We can start out small if you want. Here…" he tossed two small strips of bacon onto the plate that already contained an egg and a slice of toast with jam.

"Does it have butter on it?" Stiles found himself asking.

"No, son, just strawberry jam." John eyed the boy carefully, pouring him a glass of water and taking a seat across from him. Stiles stared at his plate. He picked up the glass, too five or six huge gulps of water, examined the bacon, then chewed away at one piece. He picked up the slice of toast and stood, retreating back to his room.

"Stiles, you're going to have to work with me on this…" his father called after him.

Sheriff Stilinski had spoken to Scott's mother Melissa at the hospital. She had confided in him about a bulimic roommate she had in college that she was quite close with. Her friend had even entered rehab at one point and had lots to tell Melissa about it afterward. He knew he was going to have to approach this cautiously, and very, very patiently. Later that day, he took Stiles to the local comic book shoppe. They had a healthy lunch at the mall and window-shopped. John had long since forgotten how great it was to just relax and enjoy some time with his son.

Over the next few weeks, Stiles only relapsed twice. One occasion was a night out with Scott at the theatre. '_Those damn companies pump far too many popcorn ads out before the movie starts, and the smell…' _ He couldn't help himself. The other occasion was one night his father splurged and brought home pizza. He ended up straining the hell out of his face, and then had to face his dad the next morning. He knew he had been exposed, and felt terrible about throwing up the food that his father had purchased for him.

Otherwise, he was meticulously watching what he ate, and exercising. His father had been extremely supportive, making him healthy breakfasts and suppers whenever he could, the man was even getting into better shape himself from all the good food he was consuming.

Scott tried to spend a little less time with Allison so he could pay attention to his friend. They were best buds, no matter how many girls came in and out of their lives they would always have each other. Stiles still went over to work out on occasion, and every time he was there his friend's mom always asked him how he had been and directed a rather cougar-like comment his way regarding his appearance. It made him smile.

But nothing could have prepared him for the perplexing, mystery man that was Derek. Every day after school that his father was working, he arrived home to find that Derek had magically materialized in his bedroom. He'd be relaxing on the bed, reading a book, or watching something on the laptop. They would chat about their respective days, watch movies together; Derek would read as Stiles worked on his homework, etc. The man read a lot of books. He fell asleep in Derek's toasty arms on numerous evenings '_he's basically a furnace,' _Stiles had thought to himself after the first night. He figured the guy must be around so often because he wanted to keep an eye on him, and he wasn't complaining. It was nice to have company.

Late one night, Stiles had a nightmare. He dreamt he was throwing up his insides, like a girl in a horror movie he once watched 'City of the Living Dead'. Since he had grown accustomed to the gut-wrenching sensation he felt when vomiting, and the burning in his throat, it felt like it was actually happening. He had never been so frightened in his entire life. He woke with a start, shaking violently, a strangled shout escaping his throat. And then there were warm, sturdy arms grasping him from behind, pulling him In close. He panted loudly, trying to catch his breath and calm himself down, one hand clutching his stomach fearfully.

"Shhhh, go back to sleep, you're alright, you're safe…" the deep voice behind him rumbled.

And then, as Stiles relaxed, he was granted with one of the biggest shocks of his life. Derek started to _sing _quietly, his hot breath tickling the back of the boy's neck, wisping down along his throat softly. It was a quiet song, and in turn he started to feel himself growing weary and limp in the man's strong arms.

"When the thorn bush turns white that's when I'll come home,

I am going out to see what I can sow.

And I don't know where I'll go, and I don't know what I'll see,

But I'll try not to bring it back home with me…

Like the morning sun your eyes will follow me,

As you watch me wander; curse the powers that be.

'Cause all I want is here and now,

But it's already been and gone –

Our intentions always last that bit too long.

Far, far away, no voices sounding, no one around me,

And you're still there.

Far, far away, no choices passing, no time confounds me,

And you're still there…

In the full moon's light I listen to the stream,

And in between the silence hear you calling me,

But I don't know where I am, and I don't trust who I've been,

And if I come home how will I ever leave…"

By that time Stiles was sound asleep. Derek removed himself gently from the boy's arms and gathered his things to leave, pausing briefly to take note of the presence in the hallway.

The next afternoon, Stiles stomped into the house, exhausted from his day at school and terribly sore from his workout at Scott's. His mind had been racing all day, questioning whether or not what had happened the night before was a figment of his imagination. He ascended the stairs and popped open the door to his room, launching himself at his bed, stripping off his shirt and tossing it in the general direction of the clothes hamper. He landed face down on top of his blankets, his bare back and ass crack exposed to the cool air filtering in through the window. He was aware of Derek before the wolf ever got a word out.

"What are you doing?" Derek emerged from the corner, putting his book 'Interview with the Vampire' down on the desk before seating himself at the edge of the bed.

"You know, I find it rather amusing that you're a werewolf reading a book about vampires. Hey, while you're over here, do you mind giving me a back rub? He wiggled his hips suggestively, adding, "I did way too many seated rows at Scott's house."

Derek huffed and looked away, licking his lips. The boy had procured a fair amount of muscle in his arms and back, on behalf of the weights he had been hefting about with his friend. He was still rather thin, but toned and healthy was far better than skinny and malnourished. His mouth watered at the prospect of running his hands all over that pale expanse of soft, freckled skin. Sure, he had touched Stiles before, but this was different… this situation felt different.

"Sure." He crawled over to where Stiles lay, swinging a leg over the boy's. He positioned himself so he was sitting just below the other's backside, then bent forward and dug his palms down into the taut flesh beneath Stiles' shoulder blades.

"H-OHly motherofgod, thank you so much," he chirred, resting his head against his arm, trying to make himself more comfortable.

Derek kneaded away at the knots there, making his way down the boy's back slowly, putting pressure on some tight areas in the lower back region.

"Mmmmm…" Stiles hummed against his arm, turning to jelly beneath him.

He gradually worked his way back up to the shoulders, pushing his hands into them a bit roughly, wrapping his hands up around Stiles' collarbone.

"Harder…" a voice whispered, Stiles was pretty sure it had been his own, but it was hard to say. He was in a world of his own, lost in pleasure, trying his best not to rut his painfully hard erection into the bed.

Derek's eyes shone red, an animalistic urge rising up inside of him. He leaned down close to Stiles' neck, inhaling deeply, smelling the boy's arousal. What he really wanted to do was sink his teeth into that bare flesh, to turn him… he wanted to thrust his cock so far into that tight little ass that the boy would still be leaking cum days later. But he couldn't do that, and he definitely couldn't _tell _Stiles that, so instead he settled for shifting his hips forward and harshly grating his hard member against the boy's ass. It was jeans against jeans, but the friction drew a gasp from his throat, and Stiles welcomed it, pushing right back against him. He recoiled, and then licked a long line from the base of the back right up to the neck.

Stiles moaned loudly, arching his back, letting the wolf kiss, nip, and suck at his neck. He knew he'd end up with a hickey or two, but he didn't particularly give a shit. They had started to build up a rhythm, rutting against each other desperately, a fiery heat building between them. Stiles was just about to make a serious mess of his jeans, when he heard a cupboard door slam shut down in the kitchen.

"Oh-shit! My dad's home!" he whispered frantically, and the alpha was off him in seconds, seating himself in the corner innocently with his book. "I should probably go down and talk to him so he doesn't think something's up."

"If you go down he will _know _something's up," Derek motioned to the boy's neck, "and it's not like you generally seek him out to make casual conversation."

"Fuck it, we'll do it live!" Stiles grabbed a sweatshirt and made to exit the room, looking back at an obviously perplexed Derek. "Just ignore that, you don't get the reference, I'll show you the video sometime." He continued on his merry way downstairs.

"Hey dad, what's up?" Stiles asked jubilantly, grabbing the milk from the fridge.

"Not much, son... long day at work." His father puttered around the kitchen, cooking supper. "Is Derek still upstairs?"

"What? How did- uhh, yes, yes he is." Busted.

"Hm, you should invite him down to supper in a bit. How long before the two of you get hitched?" he posed it as a serious question, hoping his son wouldn't see the mirth in his eyes.

"Excuse me? Dad, we're not _like that_, okay? He's probably only being nice to me to make me feel better because, you know." Stiles made a gesture toward his mouth with his fingers.

"Cut that out, I don't want to see that." He sighed, "Well it seems like you two are getting pretty serious, I mean, he's here almost every day. Also, based on what I just witnessed upstairs when I opened your door, it looked to me like he was trying to jam his-"

"DON'T. DAD. STOP RIGHT THERE! It is imperative – for my sanity and my future well being – that you do NOT finish that sentence!" He was flailing about, flushing fifty shades of red, turning around to look anywhere else but his father.

"Are those – are those _hickeys _on your neck?! Good lord, Stiles. And you expect me to believe you when you say you're not involved."

"We're not! Listen, THERE IS NO US. He's just… He's just helping me through a hard time. Can we not discuss this right now?" Stiles finally grabbed a cup, pouring himself a glass of milk, then retreated upstairs.

"We'll talk about this later!" John called after him, '_I'm always yelling after him.' _

When Stiles returned to his bedroom, Derek was nowhere to be found. '_Goddamned werewolf hearing. I'm such a fucking idiot. ' _He sat down at his computer, dropping his head into his hands.

The glass of milk remained untouched.

**Song Credit: The Black Ghosts - Full Moon**


	6. Breaking The Habit

**TRIGGER WARNING: GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF SELF HARM**

******Chapter 6 - Breaking The Habit**

A few days passed with no sign of Derek, and Stiles felt completely and utterly _empty. _It wasn't just because he wasn't eating, either. It felt as if someone had penetrated his abdomen with razor-sharp, lengthy claws and twisted his insides, felt like his heart was racing a mile a minute and he was on the verge of throwing up… almost as if he were right on the cusp of a bad panic attack, but his body couldn't decide if it wanted to hyperventilate or calm itself. He went about his daily routine, but it was if his eyes saw nothing, his ears heard nothing. The only thing that was real was the pain. That is, until one day at lunch Jackson decided to harass him…

"Awww Stilinski, you're looking rather _sad _lately! Did you and your _boyfriend_ have a little fight?" he taunted.

Of course Jackson had no idea what he had been through lately, he was just being an ass-hat… but at that moment something inside Stiles snapped. He spun around, grabbed Jackson by the throat, and slammed his head violently into the lockers. The other boy went slack, crumpling to the floor in a heap. He was only out several seconds before he snapped awake, jerking his head around frantically to see if anyone had been watching; looking extremely embarrassed.

"Wha-what the fuck is your _problem!?"_

"Stay the hell away from me, douche-bag, and keep your goddamned mouth shut!" The buzzer rang and Stiles stormed off to class, leaving a slack-jawed group of onlookers.

When he arrived home that day, his father oversaw his meager supper of tilapia and rice before announcing that he had to leave town for a week; just a routine training session. Stiles wanted to tell him not to go, wanted to tell his dad that he _needed him_ there… but he didn't. The monster had a firm grasp on his mind again, and it wanted Stiles all to itself.

"I was talking to Mrs. McCall, Scott's going to stay over here for the week to keep you company." His father smiled ardently, waiting for a response.

"You mean to babysit me…" There was an awkward silence.

"I'm sorry, son. It's still a little early to be leaving you by yourself; and regardless of your state of mind, I wouldn't want you alone in the house for a whole week! I can only imagine the shenanigans you'd get yourself into. He can stay in the guest bedroom or yours if you prefer."

Stiles sighed audibly, picking up his things from the kitchen table.

"I'm sure we'll have _loads _of fun. Love you, dad!" He put on a happy façade, stopping by the cabinet in the hall to steal away a bottle of his father's liquor before ascending the stairs to his room.

After he heard the man leave, he went straight for the washroom. He grabbed the spare toothbrush from under the sink and hovered above the toilet before shoving it down his throat; heaving up the contents of his supper. It wasn't overly difficult, but his back ached afterward and his eyes had watered quite a bit. He stood, making his way over to the counter to wash his hands, and examined his reflection in the mirror. He had put on a few pounds since he quit. '_They need to go.' _

Sure, he was ashamed at what he had just done… but he was so frustrated, so _troubled _over Derek's reaction. It was all he could think about. '_THERE IS NO US!' _It played over and over again in his head; he could just imagine how crude it would have sounded to the wolf. _'Is there an us? Does he want there to be an us? Am I so emotionally stunted and wrapped up in my own little fucking world that I missed something? Does he…' _He mentally cut himself off, striding out into his bedroom and taking a few large gulps of the 151 rum he had stolen from his dad's stash.

"SWEET MOTHER OF GOD" He sputtered, to no one in particular, "This shit tastes like GASOLINE". He ran to the washroom and turned on the tap, leaning down to sip some water. When he returned to his room he burped, and it took all of his self-control to not toss his cookies all over the floor. He inspected the bottle of alcohol more closely, noting that the content was 75.5%. '_Yeah, I just drank way too much of that…'_

Just then, he heard his phone buzz. It was Scott, '**Sorry man, I'm gonna be super late getting in tonight… I haven't hung out with Allison in forever! But hey, that means you get a teensy bit of time to yourself!**_**'**__ and then, _**'What the hell happened with Jackson at lunch, anyway? The whole school is talking about it, but he's too embarrassed to report anything.'**

Stiles texted back, **'He pissed me off and I cracked his head off some lockers… I guess that wasn't something Jackson was expecting. Whatever, I'm sick of putting up with his bullshit.**_' _He tossed the phone carelessly back on his desk before picking it back up again, '**I need someone to talk to, will you keep a secret? There's someone… Kind of… and I don't know what to do. I think I fucked things up.'**

Scott replied**, 'Yeah man, spill your guts to me later tonight! (Not literally).'** Stiles' stomach lurched at the memory of that disgusting nightmare he had suffered; he felt even sicker upon remembering the way Derek had calmed him and _sang _him to sleep. '_Ahhh fuck…'_

Stiles was angry. He was angry with Derek for being too emotionally constipated to come clean about how he felt, and he was angry with Derek for abandoning him…. but, nothing could feel worse than the anger and resentment he felt toward himself. He missed the man so _very _much, and it had only been a matter of days. '_How did I not connect the dots sooner?' _He'd been a selfish child, taking advantage of the kindness everyone offered him just because he was making himself sick. '_I did this to myself. All of it… and now I'm hurting myself again, which will in turn hurt the people around me. I can't do anything right…' _The hot tears stung his eyes for a few seconds before drenching his cheeks.

He nabbed the bottle off his desk and unscrewed the cap, then threw his head back in a deep chug, finishing off the contents. He coughed violently as the substance scorched its way down his throat. The bottle had only been ¼ full when he took it from the cabinet, but the stuff was insanely potent. In a fit of frustration, Stiles launched the empty bottle at his bedroom wall and it shattered explosively, raining shards of broken glass all over the bedroom floor. The violence did not quell his emotions, however, and he soon found himself thinking rather dangerous thoughts.

Upon seeing all of the sharp shards scattered about, he considered cutting himself with it. He didn't want to die, but he did want to distract himself from the insufferable amount of pain he was feeling psychologically and physically. He was also incredibly intoxicated, so while he normally would have talked himself out of something so rash, he couldn't seem to fight it.

Stiles walked over to the wall, bending down to pick up one of the larger shards, gripping the smooth sides between his fingers. He then staggered over to his bed, plopping himself down carelessly. He rolled up the left leg of his jeans and gently pressed the tip to his skin, scraping it lightly. '_This doesn't hurt at all…' _He couldn't bear to look when he finally mustered the courage to do it.

He pressed the glass fragment forcibly against the flesh of his ankle, just at the top, farthest from his body. When he let loose he dragged it harshly back toward himself, twisting his ankle in the opposite direction, focusing all of his anguish into the action. The result was sickening, he felt the skin split apart, felt the little jolt of pain that shot up his leg, and felt the blood start to pool at the site of the gash. Yeah, this wasn't a 'cut', this was a gaping _gash _in his leg, about the width of his thumb.

"….Whoops."It hadn't yet started weeping blood, so he could see the texture of the underlying muscle and tissue. "Oh gross, oh fuck, oh shittyfuckballs." He leapt to his feet, stumbling wildly, unsure of what to do. He tripped on the way to the bathroom, and hit the floor with a loud thud. The blood was oozing out now, running down his ankle and foot.

"Oh my god, what do I do? Oh shit, I didn't mean to go that deep, _shit_!" he crawled into the bathroom and whipped open the cabinet under the sink sloppily, rummaging around for the first aid kit. He wrapped a bunch of gauze around it and secured it with tape. '_That should hold it. I hope…' _he sat there for a time, breathing shakily. The alcohol was really kicking In now, it seemed like it took every ounce of effort he had just to breathe properly.

"I don't wanna be alone. Derek… Where's Derek?" He was confused in his drunken state, "I've gotta find Derek!" He grabbed ahold of the counter and hauled himself up. He struggled on the stairs, of course, and it took him a good few minutes to make his way down them. _'I'm so glad nobody was around to witness that…'_ Once outside, he cast a longing look at his jeep, but shook his head, deciding against driving drunk. '_I can barely walk drunk, heh…' _He walked out of the driveway and headed in the general direction of the Hale house. A few minutes later he found himself regretting the decision to ever leave his house.

"Of _course _I would get lost in the nightmarish forest. I've been talking to myself all night, does that make me crazy?" Stiles glanced around him, barely able to see even the eerie trees in the dark of night. At that moment he realized how alone and vulnerable he was, and in turn fell into a panic. "DEREK?! HELLO? SOMEONE? WHERE ARE YOU?! HELP!" He took off in a drunken jog, crashing through the underbrush, and soon heard a noise behind him like that of a branch being shaken. Stiles whirled around to look, still moving forward, and his foot hit a stump, pitching him forward savagely. He lost consciousness the instant he hit the ground.

**Song Credit: Linkin Park - Breaking The Habit**


	7. Mouth

**Chapter 7 - Mouth**

When Stiles came to, he was laying in a bed. His mind raced with alcohol-tainted possibilities of where he could be and who would most likely have come across him after he tripped in the woods.

"Mmmmh; where am I? Derek?" He sat up, groggily taking in his surroundings. If this was Derek's house, he must have fixed up part of it to make it comfortable. He lay in a plush, Queen-sized bed, nestled in the corner of the room. Above him was soft-looking, dark fabric draped from the ceiling, hanging down to frame him in. "This is cozy." He peered about the room but couldn't see much more considering the darkness. Next to the bed was a night-stand with a vase of peach-colored flowers… Stiles' curiosity got the better of him, and he soon found himself scooting to the edge of the bed to get a better look. He tentatively reached out his fingers to touch a petal, to see if they were indeed real flowers – when a voice sounded from across the room.

"Hands off."

"Derek! Just the man I was looking for! Why do you have flowers next to your bed? I'm assuming this is your bed – it's rather dark and gloomy but extremely comfortable, I could stay in this bed forever."

"They're Azalea Monkey Flowers; they were my sister's favorite. Why, exactly were you stumbling around the woods looking for me? And why in the hell do you smell like a distillery?"

"I just had a little 151 is all!" The boy laughed and started singing obnoxiously, "151 rum, pineapple juice and Malibu, caribou, get them all numb. Make baby girl come, out of her shell and raise hell, don't stop till the cops come!"

"You had a little eh?" Derek quirked an eyebrow up, "More like a lot… You know that shit is like 75 percent, right?"

"Yeahhh… I feel really good though," he laid back on the bed, stretching his arms out above his head and groaning loudly.

"Well… what did you want with me?" He inquired again. Derek had a pretty good theory as to what it was, but he was starting to question whether or not he actually wanted to know the reason behind Stiles' drunk wanderings.

"I… I know you heard me talking to my dad the other night, right? That's why you've been avoiding me? But… Derek, I _need _you."

"Need me to what, make you feel better?" He knew he shouldn't have said it, but he couldn't help himself. His feelings were hurt and he was acting like a ten year old, but he wanted to get his point across to Stiles.

"Ouch, that stung." Stiles gaped at him for a second, then closed his eyes tightly, looking pained. "That's not why I need you. There is an _us._"

"What did you say?" Derek perched on the edge of the bed, eyeing the boy suspiciously.

"You heard me, wolf-man. There is an us. I think… I think I'm kind of in love with you."

"You're drunk, Stiles." He moved to get up, but a hand frantically grabbed his arm, holding him in place. He let himself be held.

"Yeah but… drunken words are sober thoughts! I may have had a lot to drink but I _know_ what I'm saying!" Stiles tugged hard on Derek's arm, pulling him down into a sloppy kiss.

The wolf reciprocated, although he knew he shouldn't for many reasons. Things began getting heated, and Stiles seemed to grow increasingly talented with his mouth as the seconds flew past. As instinct flared up in his gut, and he leaned into the boy suddenly, dominating the kiss, harshly pressing their lips together and sliding his tongue into the other's mouth. He felt a hand roughly fist his hair and heard three words he never expected Stiles to utter.

"Fuck me, Derek." The boy whispered, drawing a whimper from the werewolf. Stiles watched as a mixture of emotions crossed Derek's features, first surprise, then an intense hunger, followed by a look of inner-debate, and lastly a _pained_ look, as if whatever his response was going to be would hurt him greatly.

"Stiles…" He whispered, "We can't. I shouldn't have even-"

"Please? Derek... I've wanted you to plug that fat cock in my ass ever since I got a look at it that night in the shower. It's all I can think about…"

"_Stiles…" _Derek whispered shakily, digging his claws into his own thighs, and biting down on his tongue to distract himself from the overwhelming desire coursing through him. He hadn't yet gotten a handle on the whole _alpha _thing and his power of will literally felt like it was going to snap in half.

"But I want you so bad it _aches, _Derek… Fuck… Come on, you can shove me up against the wall if you want? I know how much you'd _love _that."

"What you're doing right now is incredibly dangerous, you need to stop –"

"Any way you want it; doggy style? Am I allowed to make dog jokes? Oh my _god _I can just imagine the way your abs would flex while you're pounding me… I'd have to sneak a peek for sure! Or I could put it in my m-"

"STILES!" He roared, eyes flashing red, elongated teeth hovering just above Stiles' face. He panted heavily; his back heaving with the effort it was taking him to breathe, to regain control of himself.

The only thing that brought him down from the intense struggle with the wolf was the harrowing fear in the boy's eyes. He could feel the body beneath him shuddering as he looked on, keeping his own eyes locked to Stiles'.

"I'm sorry, I…" Derek backed away slowly, putting some distance between the two of them. It terrified him – that he could lose control like that so simply around the boy – someone he could so easily snuff the life out of… someone he cared so much about. "I'm not having sex with you tonight for three reasons. One – I wouldn't feel right taking advantage of you while you're clearly hammered. Two – You should be able to _remember _your first time, and three – I don't know what I would do to you, and that scares me…" Derek paused, sniffing the air. "Do I smell _blood?_ No wonder I fell into such a frenzy. Are you hurt?"

"I uhhh… must have hurt myself when I fell earlier."

"You're lying."

"Shit." Stiles tried his best to wriggle away as Derek tugged at his clothes, tearing his shirt in the process. "Hey! Watch it; I'm not made of money!"

"I'll buy you a new one. Show me."

Sties knew that the man knew; and he knew that now he had no choice but to show Derek what he had done. In a way it was gratifying – since Derek had been a big part of the reason he had done it to begin with, but at the same time he was immensely embarrassed. He sighed loudly as the wolf stared him down expectantly, and unbuttoned his pants, awkwardly shimmying out of them with his back still flush against the bed. His pant leg stuck to the now-dried blood that had seeped its way through the poorly wrapped gauze, and it stung a bit, making him wince as he tugged it free.

What Derek wanted to say was 'what the fuck did you do that for?', but judging by the expression on Stiles' face he knew better than to ask. He silently unraveled the wrappings and inspected the cut closely, rising to go fetch some supplies.

"I'm sorry… I should have been there."

"It's fine; don't blame yourself. I meant what I said earlier, you know. I do lo-"

"I know. Just relax; I'll go get some stuff to clean that up properly for you." When he returned, Stiles had fallen into a deep sleep, sprawled out in a hilarious manner, with his legs dangling over the edge of the bed. Derek chuckled to himself, crossed the room, and proceeded to clean and dress the cut. '_It's a sizable slash; he must have really put some force into it…_' Derek sighed, finishing up with some tape, and tidied up his mess.

Just then, he heard Stiles' cell phone ringing. The boy stirred in his sleep a bit, but did not wake. Derek dashed about, looking for the offending item, and finally found it in the discarded jeans' pocket. He touched the screen to answer the call…

"Hello?"

"Derek? Where the hell is Stiles? He's not at his house and there's blood and broken glass all over the place, and I'm supposed to be keeping an eye on him. Wait, why do you have his phone?"

"He's here with me, dumbass. He's asleep for the night; I'll bring him to you in the morning."

"...any idea what happened?"

"I'm not sure exactly what happened at his house, but he arrived here morbidly hammered with a huge gash in his leg. I think it's safe to say he had a bit of a breakdown… which wouldn't have happened had you _been there _like you were supposed to be."

"Oh my god, I'm _so_ sorry, oh shit. This is my fault! I just wanted to spend a few hours with Allison after school, and I thought he might like a little bit of time to himself since everyone has been kind of crowding him the past few weeks! I didn't know he would up and do something like this! What's he doing at your place, anyway?"

"I found him blundering around in the woods, lost. He heard me approaching and tripped and knocked himself out. Maybe you should spend a little _less_ time thinking with your dick and a little _more_ time taking care of your best friend that has a serious self-harm complex!"

"Oh, Stiles… I promise I won't leave him unattended again! He's okay, right? He'll be okay?"

"I patched him up and now he's passed out on my bed, snoring." Derek paused a second, thinking, "he doesn't usually snore."

"I know. Wait, how did YOU know that?!" There was a moment of silence as realization dawned on Scott, "Oh my god. Oh my god, you're the _someone_."

"Excuse me?"

"Stiles sent me a message saying he wanted to talk, that there was a 'someone' and he thought he fucked things up with them and… and now he's at your house in your bed, because he was stumbling through the woods drunk… he was probably looking for you! Holy shit, that's how you know that he doesn't usually… AHHH! I can't handle this. I can't."

"Scott, go to sleep. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Okay, but Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"At least now I know this wasn't totally my fault."

*click*

**Song Credit: Bush - Mouth**


	8. Psychobabble

**A/N: This was a little hard to squeeze out since I relapsed the other day AND I did a plethora of shots last night... Sorry in advance for the boatloads of dialogue. Keep in mind my story is unbeta'd, so there could be mistakes here and there... Feel free to point that shit out and I'll fix it. ;)**

**Chapter 8 - Psychobabble**

Stiles woke with a gasp, startling the man currently _curled around him. _'_Wait, what?!' _He glanced around for a moment, dazed and confused, before the nausea hit him. '_Ho-kay, I'm in a bed with Derek, and I have no idea how I got here. Fuck.' _He felt a stirring in his stomach and realized he wasn't going to make it to a bathroom, so he lunged forward, hoping to avoid soiling the aforementioned bed. Lo-and-behold, there was a large bucket sitting on the floor at the bedside, '_how very convenient.' _He groaned in protest as the hot, acrid bile rose up his throat and shot out of his mouth, splattering the inside of the bucket noisily. '_This isn't like throwing up on purpose, I can't – ugh – I can't stop it, I can't control it, and it tastes like DEATH.'_

There was a warm hand on the upper part of his back now. It rubbed its way down and up, down and up, then in small circles, applying a comforting amount of pressure.

"Oh my _god," _Stiles croaked, "Oh my god I drank way too much… Where am I?"

'_He doesn't know where he is… does that mean?' _Derek pondered to himself.

"Stiles, do you remember _anything _from last night?" '_This could be both a blessing and a curse…'_

"No… what… what happened?" He managed to sputter, before another wave of sickness hit him.

He was telling the truth. Derek quickly realized he had a bit of an internal struggle on his hands. He didn't exactly want to explain to the boy that he had drunkenly wandered through the forest, screaming his name… he didn't want to tell him that he had confessed his love for Derek before begging to be fucked, and he most definitely did not want to tell Stiles about his little _episode, _how he almost ripped him to shreds because he kept talking dirty with that _perfect _fucking mouth. Derek's mind was made up for him as he felt Stiles' body shake, and watched as the boy pitched forward again violently, retching.

"You got incredibly drunk for some reason, cut yourself with a piece of glass, then wandered into the woods and passed out… I found you and decided to bring you back here, since that isn't exactly the best place to spend the night." He decided to save Stiles some humiliation and give him a short version of the story, which was embarrassing enough as it was.

"And where is _here _exactly?" Stiles blanched, unable to believe he had done something so obscene.

"I fixed up little bits of the house that hadn't been too badly destroyed in the fire, so that I have somewhere to sleep and store my belongings. I plan on getting an apartment eventually, once I get a few more things straightened out. I have more money than I know what to do with, but I… I've been having a hard time letting go of what happened here."

"Why not tear the old house down and re-build on this land?"

"I don't know; it doesn't feel right. Not yet, anyway. Things are too unstable in my life at the moment to make such a big change. Besides, my relationship with the Argents is strained to say the least; who knows what could happen in the next few months?" He paused, feeling a bit sorry for himself, before directing his attention back to Stiles, "Are you sure you don't remember anything?"

"I remember… I wanted to talk to you. Does this mean we're okay now? Oh shit, did we…?"

What Derek _wanted _to say was '_If you'd had your way we would have, several times in various positions'_ but he managed to restrain himself.

"No, Stiles."

"Okay, good. I'd prefer it if I could _remember _my first time… not that I would want it to be you or anything but uh, not that I would mind if it was, either. Shit."

"We're okay." Derek smiled, he had known in his heart he was making right choice the night before. He resumed his back-stroking as Stiles jammed his face into the bucket again, heaving.

"There isn't-"wet, splashing sounds could be heard, "There isn't even anything-"he gagged again, "in my stomach to throw up!"

"Maybe you should eat from time to time, and maybe you should refrain from drinking – especially since you're _underage_" He tried not to dwell on that little detail, as he wrapped an arm around the boy's waist to comfort him further, rubbing his belly gently. Stiles coughed, and Derek could feel the boy's stomach clench up. When he spoke, his voice was raspy and broken.

"Nobody should have to see me like this." He felt so exposed and helpless, and it was embarrassing that he found himself in the care of Derek yet again. '_He's the only one that can make the pain go away. He's the only one that makes me feel alive… but he would never want me, not after what he's seen.'_

"Its fine, Stiles. Just… promise me that you won't pull any more stunts like this, okay?" Derek asked, concern worming its way into his tone.

"You sound like my dad." He retorted.

"Well, your dad has a point."

"Derek…?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't disappear on me again, kay? I like having you around…" '_Oh god, did I actually just say that?'_

"Okay. I'm gonna go grab you a glass of water and some crackers, just hang in there." Derek went into the large bathroom where he kept a cooler and a trunk of random food items. '_He didn't promise.'_

He returned to the boy's side a moment later with the cool drink, which Stiles sipped at tentatively.

"It will make you feel better. Here, eat a few of these. You need to absorb any of the remaining alcohol and re-hydrate yourself." He handed Stiles a container of soda crackers, squatting on the floor next to the bed, careful to avoid the bucket and its contents.

"You always know how to make me feel better." Stiles smiled weakly and managed to eat a bit, before downing the rest of the water. "I think my stomach had finally calmed down." He had only seconds to celebrate before he was tipping forward and emptying the contents of his stomach again. "Shit. Shit, I can't keep it down."

"Give me the glass, we'll try again." Derek rose and stalked out of the room, only to return with more water. He gave them to the boy and watched as he slowly swallowed a few gulps, taking a moment to eat a few more of the crackers. He walked around the bed and crawled back in, settling in next to the boy. "How do you feel now?"

"I shouldn't jinx it, but a little better." The snack and the water seemed to be helping to soothe his stomach, but the smell of the vomit next to him was still making him feel ill, and his head was pounding.

"Don't lay on your back, that usually makes it worse. C'mere." Derek gently guided the boy, helping him to turn over to face him, pulling him in closer. "Try not to throw up on me, alright?" He joked, snaking an arm around the other's back and rubbing it softly. "It's still early, go back to sleep. I told Scott I'd bring you home a little later."

Stiles was too exhausted and sore from all of the exertion to question Derek about when or why he had been talking to Scott. He nestled his face under the man's chin and felt reassuring lips touch his forehead lightly. The warmth and steady breathing of the body next to him soon lulled him to sleep.

Later that morning, when they pulled up in front of Stiles' house in the camero, Derek gave him a long stare.

"Take it easy for the rest of the day... and don't be surprised if Scott freaks out at you, he was really worried."

"Alright. Thanks, Derek…" Stiles leaned over the console and pulled the man into an awkward hug. "I'll see you soon?"

"I'll be by tomorrow for sure; see you later." Derek rumbled, as Stiles motioned to exit the car.

He didn't even make it to the front door, and Scott was upon him. His friend had practically ripped the door off its hinges and leapt at him, embracing him in a frantic hug.

"Careful! I've got the hangover from hell, I don't want to barf all over you… I did enough of that this morning."

"Oh my god, Stiles, I was so fucking worried about you! I got here and I saw blood and broken glass everywhere, and then I couldn't find you! I thought you were…"

"You thought I was _dead?_" Stiles finished the sentence for him.

"…Yeah. I'm so sorry, man, I should have been here. I thought you might want some time to yourself, ya'kno? Since everyone has kind of been on your ass lately. I promise I won't leave you alone again!"

"Scott, it's not your fault, don't blame yourself for this. It's me that fucked up, and it has nothing to do with you, buddy_. I'm_ fucked up." He pat his friend on the back reassuringly, only he knew full well what he said wasn't all that helpful.

"Is it… Did he hurt you? Derek is the _someone _isn't he?"

"No! He would never hurt me… and I'm not sure what you're talking about. What do you mean by _the someone?"_

"You don't remember anything that happened, do you? You texted me last night and said you wanted to talk, that there was a 'someone' that you think you fucked things up with. Then when I called Derek last night looking for you, he said you had passed out on the bed and you were snoring, then he added 'he doesn't usually snore' or something like that, and I knew he was the someone you were talking about. Why didn't you tell me sooner, man?"

"I… I dunno, I just… I'm not sure about all of these feelings I'm having. I mean, I've never really been into guys but... Derek kind of showed up – remember that day I collapsed at school? He showed up in my room that night all broody and concerned, and I had kind of a breakdown, and he _comforted me, _Scott. Derek Hale _comforted _me, and he kept on comforting me. He challenged my father that night… he stood in front of him and he said 'you can shoot me if you want, I'm taking Stiles to the hospital.' He came here all the time and just hung out and chatted, and I fell asleep in his arms a bunch of times…. And this one time I had a nightmare and he _sang me a goddamned lullaby –"_

"Wh-wait one second, did you just say SANG? Derek SANG to you?" Scott gaped at his friend, completely shocked.

"Yeah; that was my reaction… only I fell asleep before the shock could set in, haha. I don't know, man, he just… there's something about him. I really really _really _like having him around, and then there was this one time that he suck-"

"WOAH. WOAH. Don't finish that sentence, please!" Scott whined, covering his face with his hands and shaking his head. '_There are some things I just don't want to hear about or picture. My best friend getting blown by Derek fucking Hale is one of those things. Oh my god.' _

"Sorry, TMI. Anyway, to get down to the point here – I didn't _know _what was going on between us; I just thought he was trying to make me feel better. Then, one night I was talking to my dad and I said some stuff about there not being an 'us' and how there was no way I was interested in that kind of thing, and Derek up and disappeared. I hadn't seen him in days. Last night everything became really clear and then I was too shaken up to properly handle the situation. I guess I kind of freaked out…"

"So you went looking for him. Oh, Stiles…" Scott hugged his friend again, "Although I don't really want to hear the gory details about your adventures with our wonderful alpha-werewolf, you can tell me anything. You can talk to me any time; that's what I'm here for!"

"Thanks, man. Do you have any idea what happened last night? Derek gave me some details but he was a little vague, you might have gotten a better idea since you found my room a mess."

"I'll fill you in on what I know, come on in. Yeah, I just invited you into your own house." Scott laughed, dragging Stiles inside.

As Scott described what he found in Stiles' room and repeated what Derek had told him over the phone the night before, Stiles found himself remembering. He remembered _every last detail. _It was only after, when he had dried his tears – that he realized Derek had lied to his face.

**Song Credit: Frou Frou - Psychobabble**


	9. Sweet Dreams

**Chapter 9 - Sweet Dreams**

Stiles' head swam. '_Derek lied to me, why would he lie to me about that? I know I made a fool of myself, but Christ, he could at least have the common decency to tell me that I told him how I felt. What am I gonna do now? I'll probably end up acting weird around him and then he'll notice and ask me why! He'll know I'm lying! I thought he might love me, that's why he got all broody and avoided me when he heard that conversation I had with my dad… But I guess not since he lied to me about it?! Why is my life so fucked? I mean, I can understand that he wouldn't want to sleep with me because I was obviously out of it but… oh my god, I can't even believe I asked him to…' _

"Listen, Stiles, I know how to beat a hangover if you're up for it?" Scott implored cheerfully. Scott was doing his best to keep Stiles occupied, to keep his mind off of 'the hangover', but of course, he didn't actually know what was going on inside of his friend's busy mind. _'Maybe there's something Stiles and Derek haven't told me.' _

"If I'm up for it?"

"Greasy food... we could always order a pizza… if you promise me you'll… you know."

"Keep it down." Stiles finished his sentence for him, knowing full well his friend didn't really want to talk about his little 'problem' too openly.

"Yeah…"

"Sure, man, that actually sounds really good right about now. All of the meat!"

Scott placed the order for pizza, fingers, and soda, and they chatted merrily all afternoon, playing Left4Dead2. Stiles refused to let on that anything was bothering him because his friend had been trying so damned hard to cheer him up. After they'd eaten and played through a full multiplayer campaign, Stiles excused himself. He knew what kind of questions this would raise, so he quickly covered his ass before Scott could even process the possibilities.

"I'm gonna go hop in the shower, I still kind of smell like trees and rum and… ugh." His friend only nodded in response, starting up a single player campaign as he left the room.

Scott didn't think twice, '_of course he wants to have a shower, he smells like death'. _Also, one never tires of killing zombies. He was too distracted by the sights and sounds of the gunshots and gore to hear anything Stiles was doing upstairs.

Stiles had turned on the shower but was hunched over the toilet, retching. It was hard to get up, he hadn't had enough to drink with his food because the carbonation was making his stomach queasy. He found himself choking a bit on the badly chewed pieces of crust, coughing and sputtering a bit over the sound of the running shower. He cringed, not wanting to alert his friend downstairs, but he could still hear the telltale sounds of the game being played. After another series of gags he tasted the remnants of the alcohol from the night before and the rest of the food shot out quite easily. '_How is there even still liquor in my stomach? I threw up so much this morning…' _He flushed the evidence down the toilet, noting the hints of blood mingled with the vomit. '_Why am I even doing this to myself? I can't seem to stop, it's like I'm possessed every time I eat, like someone is taking over my body.' _ He stripped off his clothes briskly and clambered into the shower, seating himself once he had properly adjusted the temperature.

He liked having showers like this when he was stressed out or upset; he found it to be calming. He remembered doing it a lot after his mother died. He would sit in the center of the tub, almost directly under the stream of hot water, letting it cascade down over his head, face, and legs. He would curl himself into a ball and let the steady drum of water ease the tension in his body and mind. '_I'm sorry mom, I must be the biggest disappointment of your life AND your death…' _Stiles let himself cry. He sat like that for a time, thinking over the past few months, before hearing his phone ding loudly in his pants pocket. He decided to save the rest of his wallowing for later, turning off the water and climbing out of the shower before toweling dry and retrieving his phone from his jeans. He walked into his room and tossed the clothes into the hamper, opening his messaging program.

The missed text was from Danny… It wasn't anything personal, it just looked like a mass invitation to a party at his house. '_His parents must be out of town.' _Just then, another text appeared. **'I'd love for you to come, Stiles. I have noticed you've been a bit under the weather. Maybe a few drinks and a cute boy will help you forget whatever it is that's troubling you ;)' **Stiles frowned at his phone, considering it for a few minutes, then cheekily responded, **'Are you the cute boy?' 'No, but we're all going to the Jungle afterward… I can sneak you in if you'd like?' **Maybe Danny was right, maybe he needed a little escape from himself for a while. '_I didn't think I'd ever consider drinking again after last night… What could it hurt? It's only Danny, he's a good guy.' _He got dressed in some skinny jeans and a snug black t-shirt and headed downstairs, sneaking past a passed-out Scott. His phone was on his chest, '_he must have fallen asleep chatting with Allison.' _

Danny's family had a lot of money; that was for certain. When he pulled up to the address the other boy had given him he had to give his head a shake. He finally mustered up the courage and hopped out of the jeep, walking up to the front door and ringing the bell. He could hear bass thumping inside and he could hear people laughing loudly. There was no answer, and Stiles was about to leave when the door swung open and four strong hands dragged him inside. Danny and some unknown guy had a hold on him, and were carrying him through the house, giggling on the way. Once they reached the kitchen they dropped him into a chair.

"Glad you could make it," Danny said, "This is David, he's a friend of my boyfriend's."

The other boy, 'David', smiled at him, obviously looking Stiles over, and held out a hand.

"Hi," Stiles shook it and it was immediately replaced with a beer.

"Come on, everyone's in the living room!" Danny waved, beckoning them out of the kitchen.

A few drinking games and laughs later, they were climbing into David's car to go to the bar.

"I know the guy working the door tonight, he will let you in. You can't buy any alcohol while you're there, but I'm willing to bet David will grab you a drink." Danny winked at Stiles.

Stiles wasn't complaining, the guy was good looking. He was no Derek, though. '_Why am I immediately comparing him to? Urghhhh.' _The guy was about 5'10 and fairly muscular, with a pretty face and shaggy, dark brown hair. That pretty face had extremely pale blue eyes that were rather creepy, and perfect teeth. His nose was a little big for his face but he had perfect lips beneath it, and the man's hands were sin incarnate.

Once inside, they found themselves a table and chatted. Only five of them had made the journey from the party, everyone else had headed home.

"So, Stiles. You had your little heart broken?" Danny asked,

"Well, uhh… I'm kind of going through a rough patch in my life and I thought someone was interested in me, but it turns out he was only trying to make me feel better… and then he lied to me about something that was kind of important."

"Lying is a big no-no in relationships," Danny said, patting Stiles on the back. Danny's friends all looked genuinely sincere and concerned about him. "I'm gonna go dance, see you in a bit!" Danny called, hopping out of his seat and grabbing his boyfriend Todd around the waist.

"So, do you dance, sweet thing?"

"Umm, I never really have… in public, anyway. I'm about as graceful as a newborn horse on a good day, so I can only imagine –"

"Come on," David pulled him out of his seat and led him toward the crowded dance floor. He crept up behind Stiles, pressing up against the back of him.

"It's really not that difficult, you just move your hips," he placed his hands on Stiles hips and guided him, swaying to the beat, rubbing his erection against the boy's ass. "See, it's not that _hard_… you're a natural."

Stiles found himself caught up in the music, super buzzed off of the three or four beer he had consumed earlier at the party. They danced to a few songs, Stiles losing track of time.

"Mmmm," he found himself humming his approval as they moved against each other, when David found his neck and gave it a little nip, "Oh!" Stiles lost his rhythm, caught off guard by the gesture. He didn't want to admit to himself that it was because it made him think of Derek. "Sorry, I'm just a little out of practice," Stiles smiled, a bit flustered.

"How about I go grab you a drink? Go have a seat and take a breather."

"Okay, thanks!" Stiles smiled, walking over to an empty table to sit. David returned a few minutes later with an open beer, handing it to him.

"This should loosen you up a bit." Danny quipped, playfully.

Stiles grinned at the other, tossing his head back and downing half of the bottle, wanting to impress the boy. They sat and chatted for a few minutes while they finished their drinks, and Stiles started to feel a bit bolder.

"You wanna go dance some more?"

"I would love that," and David snaked a hand around his waist, leading him back over to the fray.

A good 12 songs later, Stiles was hot. Seriously, they'd been dancing for quite a while and he felt like his insides were on fire; everything was a blur. He leaned into the boy behind him, grinding against him purposefully. '_God, this feels fucking amazing…'_

"You keep that up and I might have to take you home with me."

Stiles chuckled in response; his limbs turning to jelly as he moved to the music. Suddenly he felt a chill, and his body didn't want to move anymore. The other boy sensed a change in his rhythm immediately.

"Hey, are you alright?" David held onto him, leading him over to sit down.

"I'm just… I just got a little woozy; I haven't had much to eat."

"Aw babe, don't tell me you're one of those boys that starves himself. C'mere." He pulled Stiles into an embrace and Stiles melted into it. "You really are worn out, come on, what do you say I give you a lift home?"

"But you drank," Stiles slurred, already being led out the door.

"I only had two, I wouldn't feel right letting you walk and neither of us has cab money. C'mon, babe."

Stiles was too exhausted to protest, he couldn't even seem to think straight. '_Didn't have that much…' _David half carried him out into the parking lot, waving to Danny's boyfriend that was standing outside smoking. Once they were at the car, David opened the back door.

"Arn'cha gonna let me ride shotgun?" Stiles joked, as he was forcibly pushed into the car.

**Song Credit: Sucker Punch Soundtrack - Sweet Dreams **


	10. Baby's Got a Temper

**Chapter 10 - Baby's Got a Temper**

**Warning for drug use and attempted rape.**

David climbed into the backseat after Stiles, savagely slamming the door behind him and straddling the boy. He peeled his own shirt off before heaving off Stiles', and then he started undoing his pants.

It was like Stiles was unable to move, he was being shoved about like a rag-doll. He couldn't protest if he wanted to; his body had shut down completely. '_What's going - I thought we were going home.' _Everything felt good, his nerves were all alight. He found himself reacting to the touch of the other boy, writhing beneath him as he slid off Stiles' jeans. _'But I don't want-ohh' _and then there was nothing; he wasn't even thinking to himself anymore, he was reduced to a squirming mess of pure compliance.

"Scott, wake up! Where in the hell is Stiles?" Derek roughly shook the young werewolf, anger and distress building in his voice, "SCOTT! WAKE THE FUCK UP!" He shoved the boy violently, toppling him over sideways onto the length of the couch.

"Holy shit! Derek?!" Scott came to, looking around rapidly, assessing his surroundings. "What's going on?"

"Where. Is. Stiles?!" Derek implored again, trying but failing to keep a level head.

"He's not… uhhhh… he should be here?' Scott glanced at the TV to see that his game was still on, it was just paused. 'I must have fallen asleep texting while Stiles was in the shower."

"Well, he's not upstairs… any ideas?"

"Lemme check my phone," Scott said, picking it up from the couch next to him where it had fallen. He saw that he had three missed texts from Allison and one from Danny. '_Wait, Danny?' _He opened the message, nodding, "He must have sent out a mass text message inviting people to his party!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Danny – he – look," he flashed Derek the phone screen, "He messaged me asking me to go to his party. His parents must be out of town for the weekend. Maybe that's where Stiles went?"

"I'll head over, where does he live?" Derek handed Scott a pen and paper from his jacket pocket and watched as the teen scribbled out the address, then snatched it up and stalked out of the room.

"Wait, Derek!" Scott called, "What time is it?"

"Midnight, why?"

"They're probably not even there anymore; Danny usually goes out dancing on the weekend. Check down at the Jungle first!"

"Fine… if anything has happened to him I swear to god, Scott!" Derek threatened, turning once again to leave.

"I'm sure he's fine, Derek! Calm down!"

"Calm down?! You're telling me to…" Derek's eyes were aglow now, and he was pacing a bit, "You are so incredibly daft! You have no idea what a fucking wreck he was when I found him the other night! What he…" He looked down at his hands and closed his eyes, retracting his claws.

"What happened?" There was a pause. "Derek, tell me what happened! He's my best friend, I'm worried about him!"

"…He'd been running through the woods yelling my _name, _Scott. When I got him back to my house he _threw himself at me_. He asked me to…" Derek let the sentence trail off, burying his face in his hands and running his fingers through his hair. "I couldn't just take advantage of him, he couldn't even stand! And then when he woke up in the morning he didn't remember any of it, so I just told him the basics."

Scott just gaped at the alpha, taken aback. "Wow, and you restrained yourself. I guess that's admirable… wait, what if he remembered? He was asking me earlier to go over the details again with him to see if he could remember anything else. He was acting kind of odd all day, like he was stuck in his own head. You… you love him, don't you? He told me about you spending time with him before and… Derek, you have to tell him! He's like, massively in love with you!"

"If he remembered then he's going to know I lied to him about it. Fuck. I should go…"

"I'll get ready and run over to Danny's just to make sure he isn't there. I'm sorry, Derek. I keep failing him."

"Its fine, Scott. Maybe you have a point; maybe I should just man up and have a conversation with him. As for right now, we _need to find him,_ who knows what kind of jam he's gotten himself into?"

Derek took off in a run for the club, making short work of the distance. When he arrived he could smell a faint trace of Stiles in front of the club as if he had been there recently. The bouncer eyed him warily as he approached.

"ID?"

Derek flashed his driver's license and was allowed to enter. He scoped the club for the boy, but was unable to spot him or smell him anywhere. He spotted Danny gyrating with some tall fellow, and stalked over.

"Where's Stiles?"

"Oh, hi Derek… um, I haven't seen him around in a bit, he went out back with David about twenty minutes ago." Derek gave him a hard glare and Danny's face went from one of surprise to one of realization. "He's a friend of Todd's… he likes..."

"Spit it out."

"He likes to take guys back to his car for a good time. I'm sorry…" he looked ashamed, and Derek whirled around to walk out.

When he reached the parking lot around the back of the building, he knew exactly where Stiles was. He could smell him, hear him breathing, could see the fogged windows of the car and it made his stomach drop.

"Mmmmh"

Derek heard the boy groan, and he heard the faint telltale sound of skin rubbing against skin. Then, he heard music start playing. He recognized the musical act, 'Prodigy', a popular club hit.

"This is my favorite song," he heard the other voice in the car drawl, and heard Stiles' breath hitch. "Mmm, that's it, baby. Open up for me."

Derek looked at the ground, his brow furrowed, his hands clenching and unclenching. He heard people nearby whispering, caught the stench of cigarettes on the air, and it took everything he had not to change right then and there. He glared at the onlookers and they retreated, butting out their cigarettes and heading back into the thumping, airless club. He was jealous, he was angry, he wanted to pull whoever it was in that car off of Stiles so he could claim him for himself. He was about to hang his head in defeat and leave, when he finally picked up on something…

Three things, to be exact. One – Stiles' heartbeat. The kid was usually hyper as fuck, his senses out of control, and his heartbeat always sped up like crazy when he was excited or turned on. But, right at that moment, it was slow and arrhythmic. Two – the song David had chosen. The lyrics 'We love Rohypnol, just forget it all… just forget it all…' kept repeating in the small vehicle. And the third and final tell, as he was making his way over to the car, his mind racing, overcome with rage, he heard the boy's voice gasp,

"Derek…"

"You can call me anything you want, baby…"

And then Derek was ripping the back door of that car off of its hinges before the boy's heart hit its next beat.

"What the?! What the _fuck, _dude?"

This boy, this fucking _piece of trash, _had his hands all over Stiles; _his _Stiles. They were both naked, and Stiles lay splayed open as the other boy fingered him. He looked out of it, like he was absolutely wrecked, his back arching at the sensation when the other boy's hand slid free of him.

"GET YOUR FILTHY FUCKING HANDS OFF OF HIM!" Derek roared, grabbing the offending man by the neck and hauling him out of the car before tossing him to the ground violently.

"This must be Derek," David taunted, as Derek laid punch after punch into his face. The wolf was tearing at his seams, howling to be released, and he was ready to give in, when a voice yelled from behind him.

"DEREK!" he whipped his head around, all teeth and red eyes, still hunched over the now-bleeding boy. "Stop!" It was Scott. It appeared as if they were drawing a bit of a crowd, but none of the onlookers would be able to see much from such a distance.

"I'll rip him limb from limb!" He growled, looking back into the eyes of Stiles' assailant. He was shaking now, hands pawing at the arm Derek was using to pin him to the ground.

"P-please, let me go, f-fuck man, what are you –"

"The last thing you'll ever see," he graveled out, ready to strike a finishing blow.

"Derek, stop! You don't need a criminal record over this sleaze-ball. There are people _everywhere, _what are you _doing!?" _Scott reached forward and laid a hand on the man's shoulder. "Let him go."

"I can't," Derek hissed, "He was about to rape Stiles…" He could hear Scott's breath catch in his throat, could feel as the boy leaned over him to peer into the car at his friend, sprawled out, naked, and drugged.

"Oh my god, I could kill him myself." Scott snarled, eyes flashing a vibrant yellow. He grabbed onto the side of the car to steady himself; to calm his rage. "We can't. Derek, we can't kill this guy. We're risking exposure, not to mention that's murder!"

Derek said nothing; he just concentrated on taking deep breaths, still pressing David into the pavement.

"Derek…" and then Scott was bending down next to him, "We'll hand him in to the police; he probably still has drugs on him or in his car. Imagine how long he'll go to jail after date-raping the _Sheriff's son._"

"What's going on over there!?" They heard a shout; a bouncer from the bar had joined the crowd of curious onlookers.

"Search his pants pockets and the glove compartment, and that little storage space in the console." Derek rumbled, and Scott obeyed.

He clambered into the backseat of the car, hoping to avoid any contact with his friend. It broke his heart to see Stiles like this, and being in such close proximity to him in a time like this was dangerous. He found the boy's jeans on the floor of the car and searched the pockets. He pulled out a little baggie with two white, circular pills in it, then continued his search. When he leaned over the console, he brushed up against Stiles' naked thigh.

"Mmm… don't stop," the boy breathed, sending Scott into a panic.

He slid his whole body into the front seat, hoping to get himself out of that incredibly awkward situation, and rooted around in both the glove box and console area. He found another bag of ten pills.

"Jackpot."

"Did you find anything?" Derek asked, "Hurry up, the bouncer is about to come over here."

"Got 'em!"

"Put them back into his pocket and bring the pants."

Scott reached into the back seat, careful to avoid his inebriated friend, and nabbed the pants, slipping the drugs back into the pocket. He then opened the front door and climbed out of the car, handing the pants to Derek.

"Don't give them to me, give them to _him" _He pointed to David, letting him up so that he could put his pants on. "Don't you even think about running." After the boy climbed into his pants and buttoned them, Derek slammed him against the back of the car, putting his face mere centimeters from the other's. "And if, when you finally get out of jail, you even come within 50 feet of Stiles, I'll torture you in ways you never thought imaginable, and then I'll fucking kill you... there won't be a body left to find." Derek growled, turning to Scott. "Take him to the club; get them to call the police. Make sure they know it was the sheriff's son this guy was raping, and make sure he doesn't get rid of the drugs beforehand." Scott nodded in response.

"I don't want to have to do this to Stiles, but I'm snapping a picture for photo evidence. I'll send it to the police." Scott cringed, getting his phone out to take a shot. Seconds later, he angrily grabbed David by the arm. "Follow me."

Once the masses had directed their attention to Scott and David, Derek crawled into the backseat. By this point, Stiles had all but passed out, and he lay with his head lolling over the edge of the seat. He slipped Stiles into his jeans, careful not to rouse him, and lifted him up so that he was being cradled in his arms. He pulled him into an embrace, inhaling his scent; the fear that lingered beneath the sweat and alcohol. As a few tears escaped Derek's eyes, he opened the door behind him and pulled the boy out into the night, picking him up under the knees to carry him.

"Let's take you home."

**Song Credit: Prodigy - Baby's Got a Temper**


	11. My Kind of Love

**Chapter 11 - My Kind of Love**

"I'm so sorry," Derek mumbled to the unconscious boy in his arms, trudging dejectedly down the street. "If I hadn't been such a coward… If I had just told you from the _beginning _how I felt about you, none of this would have happened." He stopped for a moment to re-adjust his arms, and could feel the way Stiles' 'skinny' jeans hung loosely from his body. '_Too much weight; he's lost too much weight… I'm such a goddamned idiot, I should have been there'. _Once they finally reached the boy's front door, Derek gingerly sat him down on the front step, fishing in his pocket for the keys. Looking down and seeing Stiles like that_, _the way his frail-looking body was slumped back lifelessly – it killed him. He teared up all over again, shaking his head and taking a breath to regain his composure. "It's alright, I've got you now," he whispered, picking up the boy, and once inside, "and I'm not letting you go."

He carried Stiles to the bathroom, stripping the jeans off of him yet again. He rested Stiles on the toilet and removed his own clothes swiftly, pausing to turn on the shower before making an attempt to rouse the boy.

"Stiles, come on, snap out of it." He gave him a little shake, and when he did not respond, Derek raised his voice, "_Stiles, _it's time to wake up, ok? We've gotta get you all cleaned up before you get some proper sleep." Still no response; Derek found himself growing upset, "STILES!" He felt the boy jolt, heard the small jump in his heart-rate to indicate he was conscious again. "That's it, come on, now." He heard a groan, and with that he pulled Stiles to his feet, holding him up carefully. It was obvious that he was still unable to function; he couldn't even stand, let alone understand what Derek was asking of him. The alpha sighed, "If we keep having tragic showers together like this it's going to ruin showers for me forever, and then you're going to have a smelly werewolf on your hands." He had a faint hope that his little quip would earn a rise out of Stiles, but he just half-stood there leaning into Derek's arms with a dopey look on his face, lost to the world.

Derek hauled him into the shower, grabbing the soap before seating himself on the floor of the tub behind the boy. They say that some rape victims scald themselves with hot water and scrub themselves raw in an attempt to get clean, to wash away what had been done. The situation here was similar, but Derek honestly just wanted Stiles to smell like himself again. '_He smells like vomit, alcohol, and worst of all – David…' _He could barely stomach _thinking _the name, let alone saying it. The smell had been driving him psychotic ever since he'd found Stiles. '_He almost… he almost ruined you.' _He kissed the side of the boy's face gently, just above his temple, and started meticulously rubbing him down with the soap, careful not to jar him around.

Once dry and clad in some plaid pyjama bottoms, Stiles was neatly tucked into his bed. Derek had a bit of a mental quarrel with his wolf and came to an agreement of sorts with it. Of course, the wolf wanted to scent Stiles, but he was only going _so far _with it. He climbed into bed behind him, snuggling in close, nuzzling against his neck. With his free arm, he slowly, softly ran his hand down Stiles' chest and side over and over. He didn't want to traumatize the poor kid further, but he needed to touch him, to make him smell like… '_mine'. _Stiles was sleeping deeply, his heartbeat a slow thrum in Derek's ears, his breathing a tad bit too shallow. He stirred, moving to lay flat on his back. Derek kept close to his side with an arm wrapped around the boy protectively, unable to go to sleep himself. '_I have to stay awake. I have to watch over him. If he wakes up and I'm sleeping, he'll be confused and upset and there will be no-one to explain to him what happened.'_

Just then, much to Derek's dismay, the phone rang. He found himself slinking out of the blankets and jogging down the hall to pick it up, '_It's probably his… ahhh fuck.' _He grabbed the portable unit off of the charge and walked back up the hall, taking a seat on the floor outside Stiles' bedroom.

"Good uhh early-morning; Stilinski residence." There was a pause on the line, a muffled sob. It was the boy's father alright, and he was choked up.

"H-hale. Where's my son? Is he alright? Can I talk to him?"

The man sounded crushed, like someone was squeezing the breath right out of him. '_You can't talk to him, he's passed out.'_

"He's sleeping in his room rather soundly, sir. He should be alright once the uhh… Once it's out of his system."

"The drugs, you mean." The sheriff said, disbelief coating his voice.

"…Yes, the drugs."

"How bad was it? My deputy called me a little while ago, telling me he was almost… Did he-"

"No, I got there in time." '_he's still a virgin…' _he thought to himself, then, taking care to avoid certain words, "He's still intact." He heard a small sigh of relief on the other end of the line and continued, "I only wish I could have been there sooner."

"I'm a terrible father, I've been so absent from his life. I shouldn't have gone away on this work excursion, not when he needed me there. I can't begin to imagine what could have even sparked this to begin with… He's not fat, he never has been." The man laughed, "He was even lanky as a kid." At remembering his son's innocence, his voice broke again, "Maybe he was doing it for attention – he wanted attention from me."

Derek decided that John should definitely not be informed of Stiles' other weekend 'adventures'. He definitely had some things to discuss with the man, however.

"Sheriff, please don't put the blame on yourself for this. Stiles is one of the most intelligent people I've ever met. He knows that your job requires a lot of responsibility, he knows how much you care about your career, and he knows that it requires a lot of your time and attention… he also knows how much you care about him. He didn't even want to tell you about his problem, he was embarrassed. I'm sure it was a combination of factors. He's in _high school _for Christ's sake; it's the most self-doubting, nerve-wracking period of anyone's life. I, myself was always an outcast, and got exponentially worse after my family's demise. Scott got himself a girlfriend this year so he's been spending less time with Stiles, the coach won't ever let him play at lacrosse games, and the girl he's been obsessed with for god knows how long doesn't give him the time of day… What I mean to say, sir, is that none of this is your fault, you've done a fine job of raising him on your own in my opinion. If anything, this is partially _my _fault. Can I confide in you? I want to be honest with you here; even Stiles would tell you I don't normally talk this much." He heard the man sigh again on the other end.

"Thank you, Derek. And yes, feel free to continue. I'm sure nothing will shock me more tonight than seeing a photo of my naked, drugged son in the back of some _pervert's _car." His voice had a particular tone to it, a bit harsh but _tired._

"…I'm sorry that you had to see that. I'm also sorry that his best friend had to be the one to snap the picture for evidence. We've all been through a lot tonight."

"None of us as much as Stiles."

"I'll agree with you on that one…"

"I still want to know why you feel responsible. Continue with what you had to say, boy."

"I uhh… Remember that conversation you had with Stiles? When you questioned him about us and he said there _wasn't _an us?" He was apprehensive, trying not to dive right into the admission.

"Ahhh… You heard that, did you? I'm willing to be that was a bit of a slap in the face, considering how much you obviously care for him."

"I did, and I do. I stayed away for a while after that. I shouldn't have, but I was hurt, and the first thing I did was revert back to my overemotional teenage mind-frame. I shouldn't have let it get to me like that, I should have just… I should have spoken to him about it instead of running off. The next time we did talk he was drunk and blathering on about being in love with me and I didn't know what to think. I feel like if I had just told him at the start some of this could have been avoided… I came over to see him last night and he wasn't here. Scott had fallen asleep on the couch and when I woke him he had no idea what was going on. Turns out he was invited to a party of Danny's, and then they took him out to a club downtown… And you know the rest of the story, roofies and all."

"Unfortunately, I've seen many cases like this, so I know what kind of a state he's in right now. I'm glad you got there when you did, things could have been much worse. I think you had a point before about feeling responsible… neither of us should be shouldering the blame for this. Stiles has always been a headstrong kid, hell, when he was 8 and I told him I couldn't afford to get him a bike at the time – I came home the next day to a garage full of bottles and cans… he had a bike within two weeks. If he wants something, he'll figure out a way to get it." There was a hint of pride in his voice.

"I know you've only just left for the conference, don't feel obligated to come home. Stiles is safe, and I'm not letting him out of my sight again."

"I appreciate that, and it's not like I could leave if I wanted to; they're pretty adamant about us being here for this training... new protocols and all that. Hopefully they include something about being legally allowed to gun down rapists."

"Sir… I want – I want to make sure nothing like this ever happens again. I want to help him through this, with your permission of course."

"Are you asking to _date _my son? After the discussion we just had?"

"Yes"

"I already told you, the kid does what he wants. Be good to him though, otherwise I might have to follow through with that whole shooting you thing."

"Trust me, Mr. Stilinski, the last thing I want to do right now is put Stiles through more pain."

"Alright, I'll call again later in the day to check in on him once he's awake. Try to explain things to him slowly; he most likely won't remember what happened to him."

"I'll do my best."

"And Derek?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you." And then there was silence on the line. Derek hung up the phone and returned it on its charger, making his way back to the dozing boy.

He slid in next to Stiles, grabbing his book from the night stand, taking note of the _two _bookmarks as he cracked it open. "It was as if the empty nights were made for thinking of him. And sometimes I found myself so vividly aware of him it was as if he had only just left the room and the ring of his voice were still there. And somehow, there was a disturbing comfort in that, and, despite myself, I'd envision his face."

**Song Credit: Emeli Sande - My Kind of Love**


	12. Beat Your Heart Out

**Chapter 12 - Beat Your Heart Out**

**A/N: Just updated this after realizing it was horribly written and had mistakes everywhere... I have a hard time writing with someone else in the room. Sorry for yet another cliffhanger! Love you guys!**

Before he awoke, Stiles' breathing quickened. Derek closed his book and snuggled up to the boy, hoping that he wouldn't startle him too severely when he finally opened his eyes; he'd rather be in a reassuring stance than a looming one.

"Derek…" Stiles mumbled, in a weak, yet surprised tone, "I don't feel so hot."

The man helped him up and walked him to the bathroom, holding him steady and comforting him while he threw up (yet again). There wasn't much in his stomach, but it didn't drag on like his last hangover, and soon they were crawling back into the bed to rest. As they lay on their backs staring up at the ceiling, Stiles' brain started racing. He couldn't for the life of him figure out how he had gotten home – or better yet – he had no idea when Derek had magically appeared. '_What the hell happened last night?'_

"I can barely remember anything, and my entire body feels like it has been trampled by a rhinoceros."

Derek drew back, taking a deep breath, trying to prepare himself for the task he was now faced with. '_How exactly am I supposed to explain this calmly?'_

"I thought you said I wasn't gonna to see you 'til tonight? What's up?" there was a pause, "Derek?" '_He's not telling me something… something went down and he's keeping it from me. Deja-freaking-vu.' _"You're scaring me, Derek… I'm tired of your _selective _story-telling, what the fuck happened?! Spill it!"

"What do you remember of last night, Stiles?" He finally asked, trying to keep a level head.

"Well, I was feeling kind of shitty, and then I got a text from Danny inviting me to a party at his place…"

"And then…?"

"We had a few drinks and chatted; played some games. Danny told me he was going to get me into the Jungle… oh, and he introduced me to this super nice David guy that his boyfriend knows!"

And there it was – the one word that had him seeing red, had his gut twisting with disgust and rage. He had meant to explain things to Stiles slowly, so as not to throw him into a panic, but the acerbic anger he encountered upon hearing that name stirred up the wolf something fierce. He couldn't bite his tongue; the words just tumbled on out…

"Oh, you mean the super nice David guy that roped your drink and hauled you off to the back of his car to _rape _you?!" He could hear the boy's heart rate increase exponentially, and he immediately snapped his mouth shut, covering it with his hand. He watched as Stiles' expression went from one of confusion and contemplation to one of utter shock. The boy pressed his palms to his temples frantically, his mouth opening and closing, lost for words.

"What in the FLYING FUCK are you talking about?!"

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to snap at you like that." Derek glanced away with a stricken expression, unable to look the boy in the eyes.

"You – you're serious, aren't you?! Oh my god!" Stiles wrapped his arms around himself, hugging his upper arms, "Oh my GOD! You mean to tell me that… some random guy that I just met – through _Danny _of all people – roofied my drink and _stole my virginity_!?" He looked into Derek's eyes as if searching for a better explanation, but found none. "In the back of a _CAR!?" _He shrieked, a few tears trickling down his face.

"He didn't have sex with you, he just had his fingers…" Derek was trying to put this delicately, but he just couldn't seem to conjure the right words. "Inside you…" Stiles jaw dropped to the floor in a horrified manner, and it took him a few long moments for him to pick it back up. Then, he looked downright _furious. _

"He WHAT? Where is this guy? I'll fucking kill him!" He watched Derek smile weakly in response.

"He's in jail now; I almost _ripped his head off_ myself when I found you," the wolf growled.

"You… _you're_ the one that stopped him?" Stiles asked, his voice no more than a whimper.

Derek reached out, enveloping the boy with his arms and pulling him in close; hugging him tightly to his chest. Stiles welcomed the comfort.

"When I showed up late last night to surprise you, and I found you gone… I lost it. I snapped at Scott, waking him up from his little nap on the couch… he looked about ready to shit himself. He checked his phone and filled me in on where you might have headed and I left for the club immediately while he went to Danny's in case you were still there."

"Why'd you freak out when I wasn't home?"

"Because you were supposed to be _with Scott_… he was supposed to keep an eye on you." He looked at Stiles and saw how offended he was. "I'm sorry, but after the situations you've gotten yourself into lately…"

"It's fine. What happened when you got to the club?" Stiles asked, and Derek sighed, continuing.

"When I got there I found Danny and he told me you'd left with some David guy, that you might be out in his car because that's where he _likes _to bring guys." Derek spat, his eyes flashing red.

Stiles cringed, embarrassed at the fact that he let himself get taken advantage of.

"When I came upon you and _David_ in the back of that car, at first I felt jealous and hateful because you were hooking up with someone else, but then I put the pieces together. When I ripped that door off its hinges and saw what that grimy piece of shit was doing to you I almost tore his throat out right then and there for everyone to see."

"I see… " Stiles could hear the ire in Derek's voice, and it both frightened and excited him. The fact that he was getting so immensely angry and protective over him was kind of sweet. "But why would you risk everything like that just to kill one guy? I mean, he didn't get all the way with me, right?"

"Partially because he had taken away your ability to consent – your _choice, _and partially because… you're _mine." _Stiles backed up a bit.

"Excuse me, _mine? _Is this True Blood now? What even –" Stiles stammered, trying to come to terms with what the man was saying, and then Derek started rambling incessantly.

"I'm sorry… I don't know how to put the feeling into words. It's just – the wolf part of me instinctually wants so very desperately to _claim _you, wants to make you mine and mine only. I've wanted this since… well, ever since that day I was shot. You were driving me around while my guard was down, and it took everything I had to control myself. When I found out about this _problem _of yours and started hanging around with you it seems like every time we're apart it feels like I'm _starving_. I've wanted to tell you, but you've been going through so much, and I didn't want to confuse you or pressure you and it seems like my decision to keep you in the dark has only made things worse; has only hurt you more. I can't leave you alone, because I want to keep you safe and I keep failing miserably at it – just like I failed my family – Stiles, I need to keep you sa-"

And then Stiles' lips were on his and he was being kissed fervently; his words tumbling away as he felt himself melting into the boy's touch. His mind was blank, and he let himself be _taken _by Stiles, didn't put up a fight for dominance, even though he deeply desired it. Everything felt surreal and intense as the younger boy's mouth moved against his. Stiles quickly slid a hand around the back of his neck and threaded his hand in the man's hair, gripping his head tightly. Derek groaned into the boy's mouth, feeling the other's tongue dip inside his hungrily, as if Stiles wanted to memorize every bit of it so he could draw up a diagram later. He was wrenched away suddenly, gasping for breath while he could get it.

"You comforted me, you kept me company for weeks, and you saved me from a rapist creep… although I've wanted to punch you in the face for the past few days, I… fuck, I'm ridiculously in love with you. You drive me insane. There. I said it. I'm sober this time. Do with this information what you will." Derek chuckled, '_Damn, that's a sound I could never get tired of.'_

It was Derek that grabbed hold of Stiles next, pulling the boy into a second ravenous kiss. '_Oh-my-fucking-god, it's like he's pumping a hot, concentrated dose of pure sex into me via mouth; I think I'm getting light-headed, I'm so hard my dick could cut diamonds.' _

"You do realize you said that out loud, right?" Derek quipped breathily between kisses.

Stiles giggled into the wolf's mouth, unable to pull away. Derek broke the kiss after a few minutes, climbing atop Stiles to get as close as physically possible while trailing open-mouthed, wet kisses and bites down the boy's throat. "Holy shit, could this get any more unbelievably hot?"

"Don't tempt me," Derek hissed, fastening his mouth over one of Stiles' nipples and licking intently.

"Oh-OHfuck-what-what are you gonna do if I tempt you?" Stiles gasped.

Derek continued working his way down the teen's body, dragging his sharp teeth down the soft flesh of his stomach. Stiles shivered, arching his back, his legs spreading apart to accommodate the man's upper body. He grabbed ahold of the boy's pants and untied them slowly while looking him in the eyes, teasing him, before dragging them down the length of his legs and depositing them on the floor. '_Fuck, you're beautiful'_. Derek loved the contrast of the soft brown freckles peppering Stiles' pale, milky skin. His gaze lingered on the impressive erection before him, standing straight and tall, rather dark in comparison to the flesh surrounding it. '_It's just begging for me to –'_and then his mouth was around it, sinking to the very bottom, his tongue jutting out to lap at the underlying balls. He had to hold Stiles still with one hand; otherwise the boy would ruin his desired pace, with the way he kept jerking around in pleasure.

"Christ, Derek, that feels so good, I can't even – ho-oohhhshit-oh-shit" he keened, one hand's fingers digging into his own thigh, the others' gripping the headboard for support.

Derek allowed Stiles to buck up into his mouth once, so he could sneakily slip one hand up underneath, pressing his middle finger against the boy's-

"Derek!" Stiles yipped in fright, shrinking away from the man a bit.

"Oh fuck, I'm so sorry, I got too carried away and didn't think about-"

"-It's alright, I just… I don't want to do that today, nothing around that uhh… vicinity. Please." '_Not after what happened last night…' _He watched as Derek's face sank, and he knew the man was beating himself up over upsetting him. "We can do everything else, though. Anything you want…" Derek's face took on a more devious look, as he lowered himself back down to the boy's cock, quickly returning it to its former glory. "MMmmmhh.." He leaned his head back, and then to his surprise, Derek pulled away. He only suffered a few seconds of frustration before Derek was manhandling him to the edge of the bed.

"Stand up."

"Why?"

"I want you to fuck my mouth," he growled.

"Woah. You definitely don't have to tell me that twice," Stiles joked, standing up to face Derek, who was now seated in front of him. He sighed loudly as the man wrapped his lips around his member.

"Move. Come on; you won't hurt me." Derek urged, gripping the boy's hips and pulling him toward his face swiftly.

"Derekfuckkkk…" Stiles finally started to move, building up a slow rhythm as the werewolf swallowed his cock, hollowing out his lips a bit and squeezing Stiles' ass cheeks. He honestly thought he would die when he felt the tips of the man's claws sink into his flesh, and he stuttered into a faster pace, slamming his hips forward, hitting the back of the wolf's throat. He felt his orgasm building quickly and decided to notify Derek this time, but the man seemed to have already sensed it, since he gripped Stiles' behind even tighter and looked up into his face, studying his features with his lust-glazed eyes. Seeing the unguarded, wild ecstasy in Derek's eyes, coupled with the way his mouth moved around his cock threw Stiles violently over the edge. "ohfuck-ohfuck-fuuu-"

His breath hitched as he thrust slowly through the climax, his mouth wide open and his eyes half-shut, heavy lidded and sex-addled. He tipped forward, collapsing against the man, dizzy from all the exertion. His stomach growled loudly, and he remembered he hadn't eaten anything.

"Sounds like you're hungry, let's go down and make some breakfast?"

'_Maybe that's why I'm so dizzy…' _Stiles realized he hadn't eaten anything in… _a while_. His heart was beating a bit too fast, and he was having a hard time catching his breath. He clutched at his chest futilely as pain shot up his neck, gasping.

"Dizzy… My-heart's beating-too fast-don't feel well-I can't-can't- " he wheezed, as Derek's arm wrapped around him to delicately bring him back up to a seated position.

"Stiles?! Stiles, breathe!"

**Song Credit: The Distillers - Beat Your Heart Out**


	13. Only You

**Chapter 13 - Only You**

**A/N: I think this is the last chapter... we'll see. Tell me how you feel about the ending. Terribly sorry about the seemingly gigantic hiatus - I've been rather distracted lately and couldn't find time to write.**

"Just breathe, Stiles… slowly, that's it..." Derek rubbed Stiles' back reassuringly and the boy started to calm down, his breathing leveling out slowly.

"What… the hell was that?" He asked, still wide-eyed with fright, his hand pressed up against the base of his throat.

"It looked like you were having a heart palpitation; I've gotten them before from exercising too hard. When's the last time you had anything to eat?"

"I had ummm… pizza with Scott last night but I…" '_…threw it up right afterward.'_

"Jesus, Stiles, how are you even functioning right now? Your potassium and electrolyte levels are probably all out of whack, and you've been downing alcohol like its water… no wonder your body had an attack." '_I can't believe that I thought he was up to fooling around after what happened last night… I just got carried away. Stupid, so stupid.' _Derek wanted to repeatedly crack his head on a blunt object once he had himself convinced that Stiles' heart trouble was his fault.

"Sorry."

"Sorry isn't really going to cut it much longer. You have to stop with this shit; you're destroying yourself. If we're… if we're _together, _are you gonna promise me that you'll stop throwing up - that you'll stop causing yourself harm?"

"Are you giving me an ultimatum?"

"I care about you regardless, Stiles; but I want you to be healthy. I want you to go back to who you were before all of this started… back to your whimsical, obscenely curious, loyal self… that over-protective, adorably awkward friend of Scott's that deserved the bite far more than he ever did. Seeing you like this – it kills me… it kills your dad, it kills your friends…"

"You think I - I _don't know_." Stiles looked down, studying his hands, massaging the point where thumb meets wrist.

"You don't know if you can stop?"

"I don't know if I can go back to how things were before. This whole eating disorder has taken over my life. Everything else in the past seems like it was just a dream, a faint memory. I'm just a hollow shell of what I once was, and I can't ask you to love that…"

"No. Don't you _dare _degrade yourself like that! I can see that you're – I _know _that you're the same Stiles you were before… You just have to let this go. If you keep doing this you're going to throw yourself into an early grave and I for one am not going to just stand by and let you do it; you mean too much to me. Do you value your life so little? I know of lots of people that would love to have theirs back." He watched as Stiles processed what he was saying, as the boy looked up at him, eyes glistening with tears.

"I'm sorry, Derek… I'll stop. I don't know how, but I will. I don't want to hurt the people around me any more than I already have, and I definitely don't want to die before I even hit 20. I'm too young to die; my life is just beginning…"

Derek let the corners of his mouth turn up into a soft smile, then leaned forward to gently kiss Stiles' forehead. "That's a good start. Come on, let's go downstairs." The man then proceeded to cook Stiles the 'most orgasmiccinnamon french toast of all time', and paired it with a thick, tart raspberry smoothie.

Stiles managed to get back to school that Monday, and Scott made a promise to Derek that he would make sure the boy had lunch and kept it down each day. Obviously Scott couldn't follow him around throughout the entire school day, so Derek had to place a little faith in Stiles. Things on that front seemed to be going well.

Much to Stiles' delight, Derek made a habit out of showing up in his room again every single day. Things were different between the two of them, however. About two thirds of the time they spent together they seemed unable to take their hands off of each other. They were constantly touching, whether it be brushing up against each other, subtly snuggling, or full-on making out all over the house. Derek seemed totally fine with things the way they were, but as time passed, Stiles craved more.'_I'm a teenager, what does he expect? I mean, it's been like three months, and we haven't done anything even close to what we did before. How do I even ask him about that_?'

He was starting to get antsy, and one night he let it be known. He was trying to take things further, tugging at Derek's pants while they were fooling around on his bed only to have him gently pry his hands away like he had done the past few times. Stiles was more than ready to fulfill all of the dirty tasks he had rambled about that time he was drunk at Derek's house. He'd had enough. He pulled away, visibly agitated.

"What the hell, Derek? Don't you want me?"

Derek seemed taken aback, his mouth hanging open in surprise. "Of course! Of course I want you…"

"Well you sure don't seem to act like it."

"It just seems soon; after what happened…"

"Derek, I'm fine; I've recovered. I was in shock, but the guy didn't full on _rape _me, he just lied to me and drugged me and took advantage…"

"He almost did, Stiles. You weren't truly there – you didn't see – "

"Shhhh, I don't want to talk about that anymore. It's in the past, along with everything else. Fresh start, remember? I just want to have some fun. I've been eating more and I'm feeling better. I'm ready, Derek…" He stared trustingly into the man's eyes, reaching again to undo the jeans. Derek let him. "I mean… I don't want to think about sex negatively, ya'kno? And I've decided… I've decided that I want you to be my first." He finally got the pants undone and helped the man out of the remainder of his clothing, pausing to kiss him briefly.

"You don't know how much that means to me, Stiles… I'm honored. And I know you're not lying when you say you're ready, I just kind of felt responsible for your… episode last weekend."

"I dunno, Der. If I ever gave someone a heart palpitation via blowjob I'd be pretty proud of myself." Stiles joked, slipping out of his own clothes and crawling atop the alpha.

"You're so fucking adorable, can I just put you in my pocket and carry you around with me?" He watched as a blush crept across the boy's face and he continued, "It's cute when you shorten my name like that." Derek smiled and squeezed Stiles' ass with his hands, eliciting a subtle gasp from the boy. Stiles rolled his hips in a devious manner, keeping eye contact with him. '_God, you're delicious… can't wait to taste…' _He allowed his eyes to flash red, giving in to the imprisoned beast's demands. He growled then, flipping them over and grinding his body down into Stiles'.

Stiles moaned loudly, his mouth retaining that surprised O shape, as he let the older man explore his body. They rutted against each other like they had done a few times before, but this time they weren't _wearing clothes, _this time the sensations were heightened. He responded frenziedly to all of Derek's touches, shivering in anticipation as the man started mouthing his way down the boy's body. '_Shitshitshit, that mouth. Oh goddd, what is he-'_Derek had settled himself between Stiles' legs, and was licking along his perineum. This was such a foreign place for _anyone _to be touching – even Stiles… he'd never experimented with this before – he was a virgin in every sense, and as Derek gently lifted him up '_using his superhuman strength', _parted his ass cheeks and started _rimming _him, he could barely control himself. It felt weird at first, and he was really shy about it, leaning away from the man's face. This was his _ass _for crying out loud; generally things didn't go _'inside…oh my god, his tongue is… yeah this is a good thing, I'm totally down with this.' _

Derek had grabbed his hips lightly and pulled him back, digging his tongue in deeper, trying to show the boy that he had nothing to be bashful about. He removed his mouth, giving the boy's backside a little nip, enjoying the way Stiles jolted his hips in surprise and giggled.

"Are you ready?" He planted a few sloppy kisses on the bare ass in front of him while he waited for a response. He didn't have to wait long.

"Fuck yes, I'm ready. Get it in there," Stiles whispered hurriedly.

"Settle down, I don't want to split you in half, I should prep you first…" He moistened his fingers with his mouth and cautiously slid the middle one inside of the brunette, smiling as Stiles groaned and arched his back. He slowly retracted it almost all the way and pushed it back in, running his other hand up and down the boy's lower back. Much to his delight, Stiles started to thrust back against him, and soon he was able to push another finger inside, scissoring the two before crooking them, searching for that sweet spot.

Stiles never imagined the wolf could ever be so _controlled_… so _gentle. _He thought for a moment about how sweet that was before a wave of pleasure crashed over him. "Shit!"

"Did I hurt you?" Derek stilled, staring into his eyes worriedly.

"No! Don't you dare stop!" The man chuckled in response and continued the intrusion, adding a third finger, filling him up. "Ohhfuck-Derek-" Stiles has been sneaky, taking himself in his hand while Derek was preoccupied. As the man pressed his fingers into the boy's prostate again his breath caught in his throat and he spilled, soaking the sheets below him as well as his hand.

"Stiles…" Derek ground out, his senses alight from the scent and sound and '_fuck, he looks…'_

"No worries, I'll be ready to go again in five minutes." He felt Derek straighten up a bit, felt the man's thick cock graze against his thigh and he shuddered. What with the man's fingers inside him – it was too much – he wanted more, _needed _more. "Please, god, just-"

"Shhhhhh…" Derek hushed him, giving his hips a little nudge, prompting him to turn over again. He liked how the boy did as he was instructed without him even having to say anything. "Slow…"

"Mmmh," Stiles whimpered, pressing his hips back against the older man's groin, trying to get closer, trying to feel Derek's - '_Ohmyfuck he's huge' _"Come on Der, I want it no-ow!" He gasped as the man started slowly pushing in – bit by bit – stretching him slowly. It hurt. '_I hope this gets better – please tell me this gets better…'_

Once Derek was fully sheathed he remained that way, running his hands up and down Stiles' back slowly, trying to relax him. '_He's so tight; even after three fingers. I don't want to hurt him…'_

"You alright?" He asked the boy, fighting his instinct to _move._

Stiles nodded. He was too flabbergasted to really say anything. '_Relax… Just chill. Calm down. Breathe. Breathe, Stiles. Okay, let's do this. I have an idea.' _Without warning, he shifted his hips forward slowly, feeling the mass inside of him rescind a bit. It felt nice. He kept going, pulling his body away almost to the point that Derek slid out – then reversed his movement, pushing his hips back, groaning as he allowed the man's thick cock to fully immerse itself again. He noticed that Derek was breathing rather harshly, noticed that the man's hands were gripping his hips tighter and tighter as he leisurely worked himself back and forth. '_Mental note – let him go absolutely wild in the future – I would imagine he prefers it rough...'_

"_Stiless…" _Derek whispered coarsely, allowing his head to tip back a bit. He was fighting the urge to slam into the boy beneath him, to fuck him hard… to _dominate. _Not this time though, he would at least let him have this after all he'd been through. He started working his hips opposite Stiles, so that they were slowly meeting and parting, allowing his member to _almost _withdraw each time. Despite his nagging, primal desires it felt _amazing. _He could feel the orgasm start to build – it had been so long…

Just then, they heard a door open downstairs. They both paused mid-thrust and looked at each other in alarm.

"HEY STILES, WANNA PLAY XBOX?! I PICKED UP THE NEW HALO!"

Stiles breathed a sigh of relief, '_Thank fuck, it's only Scott! I thought my dad might be home early or something! Derek must be pretty distracted if he didn't hear anyone coming from a mile off! Damnit, Scott! Interrupting my first time? Really?!' _Stiles was agitated for a split second before he got a fantastic idea. He grinned devilishly and shoved himself back against Derek, which resulted in the loudest, _filthiest _moan he had ever heard in his entire porn-loving life.

"OH MY GOD, STILES! YOU GUYS – UUUUGHHH I CAN SMELL THAT DOWN HERE!" He turned and retreated hastily, the door crashing closed behind him.

Stiles chuckled, he could still hear Scott cursing as he fled the driveway.

"You're a terrible person." Derek muttered, finally rocking his hips again.

"I know, it keeps me awake at night."

It wasn't long before they were both a sweaty mess. Stiles' dick had returned to its former glory and was bobbing beneath him. He wanted so desperately to touch himself again, but it was taking all of his focus to hold himself up with his arms – and they were growing tired.

"Turn over; I want to see you…" Derek rasped, sliding free of the boy's body.

Stiles followed Derek's instruction, crying out with delight as he was filled anew. He ran his hands down the older man's abs and slipped them around to grasp '_that well-muscled ass…' _watching intently as Derek's cock slid in and out of him.

Seeing the bewildered and lecherous look in those brown eyes drove Derek crazy. He bent forward over Stiles and softly kissed the boy's neck, latching his mouth onto the delicate skin and biting as he rode out the most intense orgasm of his life.

Stiles released the Derek's ass (since he'd been holding on for dear life), and moved to wrap a fist around himself, pleasantly surprised when the man slid down to take his sensitive balls in his mouth. "Oh—"He climaxed a second time, splattering his stomach as Derek looked on with hungry eyes. "Fuck."

"Yeah," Derek replied, collapsing against the boy's messy abdomen.

"So that just happened."

"Yeah," Derek was once again reduced to a man of few words.

"And we probably scarred Scott for life."

"…Good."

And then Derek smiled… it was a wide, devilish, mirthful smile, and it sent a jolt of glee straight to Stiles' heart. There, it intertwined with the amazing, blissed-out high he had from the seemingly _perfect _first time he'd just experienced, and he felt wonderful for the first time in… as long as he could remember. It was in that moment he realized how precious his life really was… it was in that moment that he finally found happiness.

**Song Credit: Ashanti - Only You**


End file.
